Don't Know

I don't know about the Honor Academy. I don't know what I'm doing next year. In a lot of ways I think the HA could be a really cool experience for me but I don't know if that's where God really wants me. I know he can provide if He wants to but right now I don't honestly know where the money would come from. I'm thinking about staying back a year. Maybe to work. Maybe to go to school again for just one more semester. Do a co-op and one other course that interests me. Maybe psychology. I could have and would even like to have more of an influence and a focus for my church. Focusing on small groups and community or something. I don't know. In a way, I would be disappointed to stay home. I really like the idea of just trying something new, going somewhere I've never been before, being on my own for a while, surrounding myself with people who all love Jesus. I think that would be cool. Come back a changed person, but I really don't know write now. There are pros and cons to both sides. Another benefit of staying home would be being able to go to Thunder Bay again. Hopefully by then I would have my G2 and I could visit friends that live a little ways out more often. That'd be really nice. sdlfasdlfalsdflaskfdf... yeah.

Almost Here

It's almost Christmas! Here's one of my favourite Christmas songs.



Other favourites include the entire All I Really Want for Christmas album by Steven Curtis Chapman and Mary Did You Know.

Remember Christmas is more than a nativity scene, it's a celebration of the birth of the one who died for us all at the cross!

Fun

Is thinking fun to you? Because I like thinking. I think it's fun. If only I had more time.

Ahahaha!

I would love to do this sometime.

New Discovery

I found out something I want for myself. I'm looking forward to having the journal I'm currently using filled. It's getting close. I'd be perfect if I could aim finishing it for the end of this month so the new one could start at the beginning of 2009. (Wow, it's almost 2009 already!).

Anyways, let me explain. While watching one of the videos from the Peasant Princess series mentioned in the previous posts, Mark mentions that he and his wife keep organized by using Moleskine books. I googled Moleskine, and, I don't know. They might be good quality books, you never know. Tonnes of varieties and sizes. Then, there was a story section on their website, and there were two sections to it: words and images. Having a image section on a site does well for a person like me. When I clicked for it several images of different people's notebooks appeared. They all looked so interesting.

I have two things, aside from this blog, that I use to primarily express myself: my journal and my sketchbook. For me, journal means expressing with words, sketchbook means no words. And I'm finding that there needs to be more of a balance for me. If I pass away and someone wants to look back on my life, or even myself just flipping back through things already written or drawn, I don't want a whole harem of my books to have to be assembled first to get the whole picture. It's gotta be simpler than that.

The goal for my next journal is not to be a journal, not even to be a good, interesting, journal. I want it to be more of a commonplace book. Allow me to quote from Wikipedia to explain.

"They were a way to compile knowledge, usually by writing information into books. They were essentially scrapbooks filled with items of every kind: medical recipes, quotes, letters, poems, tables of weights and measures, proverbs, prayers, legal formulas. Commonplaces were used by readers, writers, students, and humanists as an aid for remembering useful concepts or facts they had learned. Each commonplace book was unique to its creator's particular interests."

I want my journal to be that. I want it to look more creative from an outside glance perspective. I also currently want a big bowl of porridge with a heap of peanut butter on top...mmm, I do want that.

It's not that commonplace books are a new discovery for me. They're the same type of books that Klaus Baudelaire and Duncan Quagmire use in the Series of Unfortunate Events. (Great books, some of my favourite fictional). But it's like I found another part of myself.

Art isn't one of my greatest passions, but it explains a lot about me. It has to do with expression. One of the things I absolutely love most, is people. I love getting to know people, seeing how people work, how they think. To look at a life and take the good and the bad and see beauty in it.

By the way I'll say this here, if you find out that I've died, and for any reason, find my story interesting enough to publish, please don't take out parts. It's all or nothing, and hopefully in the end my story will give glory to Jesus for all the things he's done, does, and will do in my life.

So yeah, I love people. And I may be a thinker but I'd never survive in some deep psychological school because that needs to be coupled with creativity. If I were, I'd have to learn a new concept and think about it for the next two weeks, maybe on top of a mountain in the Netherlands or something, I don't know. And I'd draw about it too.

This is a picture from the story section of the Moleskine website. Click on it to go that story section, I would have loved to put all of the images here. It is the cover of Pablo Picasso's cahier. Because of this book, when I start my commonplace journal I'll write on it "Je suis le livre banal", which means "I aM the commonplace booK".

Peasant Princess

I've been going through a video series of sermons called the Peasant Princess from Mars Hill Church. It's a series based on the Song of Songs and you can find it at www.peasantprincess.com or off iTunes podcasts for free. I just finished watching the last one today and I found that they were really good. That book really isn't spoken on often enough.

Through out the series you get to know Mark Driscoll, the pastor, and his wife Grace. The last video concluded the series by talking about parenting. Generally I really like they way they have their family set up, as parents of five children. And I'm realizing that parents ultimately are the ones who set up what the family looks like and how it functions. They have the ability to set up their families in anyway they like.

Obviously they have God as the main focus for their lives and family, and that's gotta be number 1. Watch the 10th video and you'll probably like it too. There's a lot of great things. This is hard for me to explain. Prayer at the core of it happening frequently in normal life. A really close family. "Daddy dates". There was a lot to be said about fathers and daughters.

I'm realizing that that's the kind of thing I would want for myself if God blesses me with a family one day. I also have a lot of dreams for what the church could look like one day as a functioning body, as a community. I want my church family to be close the way a family should be, praying for one another. I think that there's a lot that the church could learn from a well functioning family. Love should be seen in both.

Job

I need a job. Like I really need a job if I want to go away this next year. A little while, a little more than a week ago, I had filled in five applications and handed them in. I haven't heard back from any of them yet... Meanwhile, my sister also wants to get a job so she can go on a trip to Italy with the school next year for a week. Probably close to a couple grand by the end of it and it's not even a missions trip where you could grow closer to God! The thing is today she just sent in a resume to one of the next places I was going to ask about and they might have an opening coming up soon. And to be fair, I'm not supposed to hand in a resume of my so there's no competition thing going on. And if she gets the job I'll be happy for her, but I'll be sad for myself because that would be her first try, I spent way more time filling out the applications than she did printing off one resume, I was thinking of looking there for a job first, and I have more need for a job. I probably sound like I'm just doing a bunch of whining.... and I probably am, so I'm gonna stop. But please pray that I'll get a job soon!

A Little Story

So today, well lately we've started to work on doing posterized portraits with acrylic paint. Rather than draw them out and spending lots of time doing that we're just tracing the faces on to the canvases using projectors. As I finished doing that I went to go return the projector to the room I had borrowed it from. Although it was light, it took two hands to carry. I went for the door, managing to hold it in one hand for a moment. And I would've been just fine on my own but there were some people outside in the hall and one guy was coming into the art room as I was leaving and opened the door by accident for me. As I left, I think he said something like "there you go my dear", and I thanked him. I didn't know him, and I think it was kind of a joke with his friends there and stuff, and I can almost definitely say that that was what it was, but still, it wasn't said in a mocking tone, if you know what I mean.

As I continued on my way, it brought about thoughts to my mind. First of all, with the fact that he was just some other student I didn't know put aside, I liked being called "my dear". I just liked it. No one calls me my dear. Not my dad, if so, only very rarely. Not boys, because none of them have ever really pursued me (yet). Maybe one girlfriend occasionally, but that's totally different. But I liked it, like it made me feel pretty or something. Anyways, that's all.

Honor Academy

I've been thinking a lot about the Honor Academy today. This past October I went to Acquire the Fire and I filled out an application for the HA without thinking too much about because they said it was free to apply if you did it that week. So I did that got some reference forms filled and finished that up. I had a phone interview and then, maybe 10 days ago I got a call that I was accepted!

Casey was blogging about all this last June. I guessing it was pretty much the exact same story, with ATF and all. But I never gave much of a thought to what it was all about.

But I've been accepted and I'm so excited about it! If this isn't where God wants me to be than I have no idea where else and He could want me. The biggest thing is money. It's $7800 bt that's more like $9000-something for me because I'm Canadian. Plus things like flight tickets and other smaller things make it all add up. And I know God can provide. Now I just have to wait for my acceptance package... exciting!

Casey, can you tell me if any of these names sound fimilar? James Sipes. Chelsea Arnold. A girl named Laura interviewed me. And the girl who's been contacting me lately spells her name Allyson but I don't know her last name yet.

The Museum

Today I went to visit the McMichael Canadian Art Collection. Honestly, kind of boring. Mostly landscape art. I guess it's kinda cool to see original "masterpieces" as they call them, but I don't know any crazy group of 7 fan I could tell in a far country that I saw them in person. You know the group of 7. It's a lot of their work that I saw. I thought Lawren S Harris paintings were really pretty. I'd put a picture of one here but the real ones would put them all to shame too easily. What's the most famous piece of original art you've ever seen?

I want my blog back.

I miss you guys so much! And if nothing else I want to at least explain why I suddenly stopped.

Last June I got caught up in thinking about everything I would be doing in the summer. I started journaling a lot, which I have continued doing. And I thought about the differences between blogging and jounaling.

There were a lot of things I didn't know. Like, I didn't know why I blogged, or anyone for that matter. Why do people post personal things on the Internet? That's crazy. How can someone come to trust online friends as closely as (sometimes more than) other friends? I did and I didn't know why. That frustrasted me a lot. I didn't know why someone would send me a gift just from getting to know me through my written expression through blogging. And yet, that happened. It's over my head a bit, just something I couldn't and still don't really get.

So before heading off to Thunder Bay for the camp I did I was sincerely planning on returning home to type up those journals. I was planning on typing up my whole summer here but that wouldn't have happened anyways because of the massive amounts of eternity that would take. Reading it alone would take a week if you were reading during all your spare time.

But my resistence to blogging grew during the summer. So I started posting vague, short summaries of events, rather than the details. I began to feel like no one was reading and eventually I just stopped. Sorry.

I've been missing you guys a lot! No lie, and for a while. Since I quit, I started another blog. What I really wanted was to come back to this though. I'll tell you what it is, it's no secret. But it's not like this blog. I refrained myself from letting myself often writing personal things. It's www.bottleoffanta.blogspot.com, check it out if you want. Doesn't make a difference to me anymore.

If you still pray for me at all, then thank you. If not, no worries! Don't go kicking yourself saying, "I'm so sorry! I thought you were dead so I started praying for your family instead!" Just kidding. Seriously, let's not joke about death. Mom just came to my door in tears for my aunt who has three brain aneurysms. She's not dead but my mom very worried about her because the doctors don't know how to treat her yet. And today, I just found out that a grade 10 at my school committed suicide yesterday. I never knew her but it's really awful.

That's all besides the point. I want to start blogging a bit more again. Maybe just slowly at first. As you may have guessed, a lot has happened since Semptember 15, 2008, so if you want to know anything just ask. Or about my summer too. Or if you missed me too, then please, please leave me a comment! I miss the community here sooo much. I love you guys, Steph.

Prayer and its' Power, (well really it's God's power)

POST #100!

Last Sunday, September the 7th, I went to my dad's church. There was a really great guest speaker. His topic was simple: Persistent Prayer, and he spoke from Luke 18:1-8.

Luke 18

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

1Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. 3And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'
4"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, 5yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "

6And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"


I don't think he said anything I didn't already know but the way he put it revolutioned my thoughts. And since then I think I can honestly say that I have been praying more.

If you are a follower of Christ, tell me, are you sick of this generation that goes on without a prayer? I mean it's just as Scripture says, if a horrible judge like that described in the parable would grant a widow, the least of society, how much more would our good God answer the prayers of his people whom he loved enough to let his Son die for? Why are we not petitioning to him all the things we would like to have changed around us, more than just our trivial lives and needs?

I'll tell you friends, that widow was desperate, and we too need to be just as desperate! Desperate for our nations, and high schools, and so much more, our friends who don't know Jesus! Let's not sit around waiting for things to get better on their own, because they won't!

I'd like to be praying more for the girl who struggles with drugs and sometimes even cutting. And a friend's mom who needs to know that there's a lot more to Jesus than church (holds little importance at all!).

Does anyone want change? Does anyone want to unleash God's awesome power? Is anyone willing to spend time wrestling with God until we receive blessings? When the Son of Man comes back is He going to find a faith in his people that says we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, if we are asking according to his will? Why are we, the body of Christ, not meeting together to spend hours weekly to simply pray persistently for justice to be done on earth?

Tell me.

Eyes

Connection.
Every person longs for it.
Can it be explained?
A world of people.
Diverse lives,
And diverse stories.
Love is more than a feeling,
But could a stranger
Love another stranger
If it were simply so?
Do we choose to love?
Do lives cross?
Is it possible that
Your close friend knows
How the stranger feels
Without knowing it?
What really happens when
The eyes of two
Strangers meet?

Written by the suggestion of DFS, hope you like!

Read Me

I wish I could put up something interesting to grab everyone's attention, but I really have nothing to say. Umm... there was the drama of one of my friends moving away for about two days and now she's back to stay. The first youth event was last night and we went bowling and I played decently.

My life is a bit boring at the moment. That not particularily a bad thing though. I have cousins visiting from BC at my house right now. They're 3 and 1 years old, I think. Cute kids... I've been a bit sick this past week but I'm almost better.

I'm gonna type up part of one of my very recent journals.

09.04.08:Hmm... how often is it that I turn to my journals to record the daily events of my life? I try to encorporate as often as I can my thoughts and feelings about those things, but alas, this is what they've become!

For once, I would like to write something that forces you to think about what you're reading. I don't really know how but I think I miught like to try.

A thought crossed my mind today as I say th the doctor's office's waiting room, I tried to get it on paper but my mom saw what I was doing and I lost appetite.

What happens when the eyes if two strangers meet? Eye contact is said to be a personal thing, so even if thtat glims only lasts a split second, have you not shared something personal with someone to whom you fing yourseld completely unfamiliar?

And another thing, does the colour pink mix with the Y chromosome? The idea is still new to me but being the artist that I am, I like it. Green isn't a clour only reserver for boys, and likewise, neither is pink for girls. My brother owns a pink shirt that he wears, but I wouldn't expect much from my dad for a long while yet!
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And feel free to just drop me a line any times...

If you want a great website to check out . There's all kinds of neat ideas, and it's added to frequently.

Bleeding Love

I absolutely love Leona Lewis's song Bleeding Love. I can't embed the music video here because the option was disabled for that video on youtube but you can watch it for yourself and interpret what you think she wrote the song about. But I'd like to just show you possibly a different perspective on that exact same song.

LYRICS:

Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain
Time starts to pass, before you know it you're frozen

This part (for me) is like distance from God and how nothing comes from that situation. And the less time you spend with God, the less it feels like his presence is with you until he almost becomes frozen.

But something happened for the very first time with you
My heart melted into the ground, found something true
And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy

Coming back to the relationship with God, falling in love with him because you can see the way things are truly supposed to be. And people who don't know that love think that it's crazy because they don't know.

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

The first two lines are self explanatory. The last line is when you choose to cut yourself off from God. Also, a vein is the stream of blood flowing to the heart, not away. And everyone knows you need blood to live.

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

In Ephesians 6, you can do a word study on the word sword and find that it's actually more of a scalpel used for operations. So "you cut me open" is like God changing us or pruning us to bear more fruit.

Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling

Again, people who don't know God can say a lot of things about our faith to make us doubt because they don't believe themselves. But the goal is to just keep striving after Jesus.

But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

This part is pretty self explanatory. Embrace equals an embrace, maybe like the dream I've blogged about before. Or even just confirmation of his love towards us. God never leaves us alone even when we feel that we have no one. Crazy is the same thing as above.

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh, they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

The cost of following after Jesus will demand everything you are and have. They find it hard to believe that it's worth it. The scars could go two ways. First scars could be the visible change in the way you live, even a physical change depending on a persons testimony. Or it could be living in a life that only takes pride in the scars of Christ.

I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

That's all. I love it. If you didn't before, than maybe you will now.

This Week ... not much

Well not much has happened this week, just the first week of school. My cousin and aunt will both be back in Africa by now. My family and I all went down to the Toronto Pearson airport to say goodbye on Wednesday night. I'm really glad that I got to know my cousin. I had met her before when she was three and I was six but obviously that was a long time ago. And I've met my aunt several times. And I'm glad she came too.

I think I heard a word from God early saying that I would get the job and so I need to learn time management. So I guess if it were Him then I'll find when I get the job. That means I need to do homework soon.

One last note, I've recently discovered a man named Coffey Anderson and his music. I'm gonna post some of his videos of his stuff quickly here. There's probably more stuff on youtube so check him out. If you like his stuff enough then you can buy his music on iTunes under Coffey.

Hey

So today was my first day of school. I've been absolutely exhausted the whole way through. Last night, well yesterday I went to Wonderland, and by the time I had got home from it I was already really tired from the sun and lack of sleep from the canoe trip and having to say goodbye to cousin from Africa for possibly the last time. I woke up this disorganized and I rushed. Trying to recall hard math from a year ago while having a headache. After lunch I went to my English class to find out they had put me in the wrong grade, and I had to deal with that after school. I've quite a bit of homework and this whole evening my dad's been urging me to get my application filled out. And I have an annoying song stuck in my head. I just really want to go to Tim Horton's and get an Ice Cappuccino. Yum.

This year will definitely be the hardest and busiest (espescially if I get the job) so my consitentsy may vary. But I'm already more constant than I've been this summer.

Oh, and the girl from my media arts class last semester is also in my art class. God gives second chances so please keep praying for that!

Love you all!

Canoe Trip 08

I just got back from my canoe trip earlier today. I meant to mention that I would be going in my last post, sorry about that for those of you who are tuned in. This one was the trip I had asked for prayer about a while back.

So, obviously, I went. It was a good trip I've got to say, up in that Algonquin area. You probably don't know where that is. You should know (because I'm telling you right now) that I was the oldest girl on the trip, including leaders. I guess they couldn't find a female and so 17-year-old me was the oldest there. It was a little weird. That was the cut off age because any one older and not a leader would go to C&C. I think a female leader would've been good but I don't think it changed much.

This kind of camping is the real kind of camping, the kind that takes hard work. Hours of canoeing and portaging. But worth it. If you've read my older posts you'll know that my primary reason for coming was for leadership. I gave up time with my really awesome cousin from Africa to do this, and that was the dilemma.

So I think I got that chance just by trying to live out that servant's role. And one of my friends my age recognized me as a leader in prayer, which was actually an answer to prayer. Funny, eh? We also have a group of usually older youth who get to be a part of the youth leadership called the servant's board. We had a servant's board meeting with my pastor out in the woods and talked about youth events and other things. I honestly have a lot of dreams for this group and it's a real committment.

There were also the fun times too. Like throwing oranges up and down the rock side of the site, pretty much fetching them when they were thrown down into the water and getting scrapes while you're at it. You would have to be there. Making a Kevin Jonas shaped pancake with a friend while in the kitchen. Making hemp everything. A friend actually thought she saw a moose at night but really it was just some sticks out in the water. Etch a sketching for sure. Canoe games with lots of tipping. And don't forget being really dirty. Yeah lots of fun.

Oh, um I start school sometime next week. I have an awesome schedule I couldn't have asked for much better. And a really cool job opportunity has come up. There's a newly built Christian Horizons place in my town and I'm probably going to apply there within the next couple days. If you could pray for that it would be awesome! Thanks, love you guys.

A great day!

I sincerely apologize for my lack of blogging, although I'm starting to feel like no one reads this anymore anyways. But the summer's coming to an end (unbelivable, eh?) and school will start when it does it won't be too likely that I won't post a lot more often. All that to say, I'll probably get back into the habit more.

I got back from Belize a couple days ago the trip was fun. The most disappointing thing for me though, was praying for the chance to talk to my cousins about Jesus and then finding themselves mostly in their own bubble of friends (or just boyfriends rather). Yeah. Overall it was really good.

Today was amazing! I got to go spend with just me and a close friend. We ate lunch together and saw a movie, and afterwards we prayed for each other. We saw the Sisterhood of the traveling pants. She going to school in Alberta this year and that seems really far away. So today was really good for us. I gave her this neat headband, probably a little different from anything you've seen, and she loved it. I got it in Belize. I got myself a matching one. She told me I knew her too well. She also gave me a gift. Some cards and decorations so we can write each. (I'm looking forward to that). You just gotta love this girl.

Then afterwards her mom happened to be driving by. Probably the most excited person I've seen in a long time. She had a job interview that we had prayed for and it went really well. So now she can make an offer on the house she's fallen in love with and she's moving in this weekend. It was a really good day!

Random things

So....

I just came by to blog, cause that's always fun.

Yeah, so I've been taking a real interest in music lately. I don't know what I wrote about in the "How It Went" blog but I might not have mentioned that some of the girls that I went with were really musical. They brought up a keyboard, a jambe (hand drum) and a guitar (obviously). And so these three girls could all play all three instruments and so sometimes between songs they would switch, and it was great. But I'd really love to get into the theory of music, learning chords and stuff so I can write songs. That would be awesome. I love math, I've probably said before and I love all art so music in that sense is perfect because it's like making art with math. Even now I'm spending time blogging when I could be taking in info from musictheory.net. By the way, if you're interested in that kind of thing then that is the website for you!

So enough about that. I'm going to Belize in something like two days time to visit some relatives (my aunt and cousins) who live in that country. They don't know Jesus so if you feel like praying for me, you could pray that I get some good chances to talk with them, or at least the one I know I'll be spending time with. Much thanks from me for that!

Yeah, so I know I haven't been blogging a whole lot in the late and that could blamed on a number of things. But one reason I haven't been blogging much is because of my journaling. Don't get me wrong here. I love both, and there are different advantages to both. And one huge contrast between the two is the privacy level. So if I'm not blogging, or if I'm inconsistent with it and I attribute that to my journaling, it just means that I want to keep it real here. I want to keep it honest and so sometimes I'd rather post nothing than posting things for the sake of posting things.

Oh and another thing that I was thinking about earlier today that's been bugging me is this: a couple days ago I was watching Family Feud. And the host asked the constants to name one of the four places the people surveyed thought were mostly likely to go when looking for love. The number one answer was clubs, and the church was the fourth answer, only worth two points! I think that's rediculous and really says something about the church. That really bugs me. You don't find love in clubs, and I've never been to one but I'm pretty sure it'd be more likely for you to find drinks and maybe sex after the party's over. It's stupid.

That's all!

Pooped

Wow, I just went on a walk that was something like two hours long. I went pretty much no where by myself. And I'm pooped. Your feet do get sore after walking that much. It was beautiful out though. Honestly, I had had nothing to do so I just went out walking and that's all.

My Prayer

If you have been praying for me to get a best friend, then thank you, and please keep praying!

How It Went

So Thunder Bay... was amazing! I'll try mention the important things.

The drive up was 17 hours and took two days. The first day I met the people who work there. There's one couple there that we met. The man was really black and his wife was white. They have four children so it's interesting to see the mix. All of them are cool people. I also met a family that God had called to Thunder Bay from Switzerland. They are a beautiful family and they have three gorgeous daughters. The oldest was five and the youngest was only a month old. Love them all.

So I went up to this place with people I don't live in town with so there was even quite a bit of getting to know people within the group I went with. But the 17 hour drive was good for that.

The first day we got there the team went to see the Terry Fox monument and the sleeping giant on lake Superior. I was really more interested in the lake than the monument, which we had come to see.

I mostly worked in the kitchen. Quite honestly, that is pretty much the last place I would choose to work. But no complaints here. No place better for me at least to learn how to be a servant more. The job never really ends, if they need help in the kitchen you gotta be there. The biggest downfall to this I think was seeing the other staff doing devos together in the morning and probably talking about the things they had seen in the campers too. Meanwhile, I would be making coffee or cutting watermelon or something. But there were a couple times when we finished prep for breakfast early enough to join them for the prayer.

The thing I liked most about working in the kitchen getting to know the other three girls in the kitchen. One day a friend of mine told her whole life story and even told us things her mom doesn't even know. I didn't really get to know the cook much more than anyone else at camp but he was good to work with. And serving the kids food is always fun, making sound effects and talking in different voices while wearing my bright yellow sweater and also possibly funky sunglasses.

One of the best parts about camp for me each day was the small groups. Each day in the morning, staff would get to break off into small groups and spend time indiviually with one or two kids. The same kids everyday and we developped relationships that way. They were the ones I got closest to.

Um this is really getting long and I don't have that much more time. Chapel was great everyday. The people who did the music, the skits and the messages were great for what they did. And the kids loved it. It was like their favourite time of day.

Testimonies were shared at the campfires each day. Man, there's just so much else that happened.

We did the whole ride back without stopping to sleep. In my van, I got to talk to with some of the girls pretty in depth about stuff when some other people were sleeping. It was priceless, the kind of stuff that never comes up in casual conversations.

It was just an awesome, awesome trip! In general, the best part was building relationships both with campers and with the people on my team. It was really cool.

Thunder Bay, here I come!

So I just wanted to quickly post that I'll be leaving for Thunder Bay in two days. That's a pretty big deal. This'll be the last post before I come back. The biggest thing I'm asking for is just prayer! I haven't forgotten about you guys but summer is gonna be pretty busy. I'll give you a summary of the trip when I get back for sure though. Thanks guys!

Something of an update.

Sup my friends!? How are you all doing lately?

So check it out. I have been up to pretty much nothing lately. Let's see I've been doing some art. I took a three hour nap today between 2 to 5. Um... I've been journaling more lately and it's quite different from blogging. For real. I'm hyper right now!!!

Oh. I picked up my driver's hand book today. Out my drawer that it's been sitting in for the past year... I'm such a slacker I don't even have my G1 right now when I could be driving independently with a G2 at the moment. It's so boring though.

You know what's a good song. Glass to the Arson by Anberlin. It's good at anytime of the day. Especially when it's 11:36 PM and you're hyper. Let's replay that now that it's done. The version I'm posting is the only version I've heard but I think that there is one with words.



I'll just grab my journal to see what else I've been up to. Lack of memory. Eyeball poke.

Here's summ.:

First entry: Titleless. Basically says that I love how free and innocent I am. Oh, and of course how great old people sex must be. You'd have to read it but I'm really serious. -_-

Second entry: Looking Forwards and Backwards. Basically a summary of the past year and how excited I am for this summer! (Written before my birthday)

3rd (I got lazy) entry: Seeing Matt. My mom's cousin Matt came over from Africa for a business trip and I journaled about seeing him and celebrating my birthday with that side of my family. He's a cool guy he showed me a picture of him sitting, arm around, a lion cub at a some kind of centre.

I made a special kind of calendar on the next page that I've only seen made by me. I made some big spelling mistakes that I din't bother fixing there because it would have looked bad. My thoughts: "So apparently 17 year olds don't know how to spell" because it was the day after. And I creatively used to rest of the page to play two games of connect 4 with my brother. And I won both.

Next page I made a to do list for my self and only did half the things on it.

4th (lazier): My Birthday (written on the 27th). About my birthday, obvously. In slightly more detail than I wrote here so I wouldn't forget them later.

5th: Shopping. Just a paragraph about how much I hate shopping. Swimsuit shopping is worse than bra shopping! (for you DF) And how I bought two DVDs: The Iron Giant directed by Brad Bird (my fav director) and Monsters, Inc. because I'm slowly collecting all the Pixar movies.

BTW: My brother took me to see Wall-E yesterday for my birthday and I really enjoyed it. It was cool. Ratatouille's still my favourite though.

6th (final so far): Blogging vs. Journaling. The title gives that away. That's all it was about.

------------

I've always been a journaler. More recently a blogger. Of my own life that is, I could never do it as a career or profession! I cleaned my room recently because it was quite necessary, and I found one of my old journals. I looked inside and was devasted to remember that I had previously ripped them all out. I didn't throw them out though and found them in another place. Still devasted.

Well there's my hello for today.

That Day, you know the one

Sorry I haven't posted anything of real content or value lately. I haven't been in the blogging mood lately. And I'm still not. But I thought I would let you in on a bit of what my birthday was like.

I was supposed to go to a meeting for Thunder Bay on the evening of my birthday. So on the 23rd my family celebrated my birthday with gifts and Delissio pizza, which is my favourite. Later that day, my dad took me on a motorbike ride. The ride was amazing, we rode along the lake until we stopped out of town. We stopped at Tim Horton's and talked for while about stuff over an ice cappuccino for me and black coffee for him.

On the actual day, the 24th, the plan was to hang out with my friend Hope, and we did, but first she took me down to the Christian book store to pick a devotional. I couldn't find one that I fell in love with so I didn't get one because I didn't want it to end up sitting on a shelf. Instead, she bought me a the Anberlin Lost Songs album, that I love.

I went with my mum and brother for the meeting in the evening for the meeting. The meeting was cancelled, and they're out of town, so that was annoying. But it wasn't all bad because while we were there they went into Dollarama while I stayed in the car. It gave me time to think about things, which I needed pretty badly.

At the very end of the day, I checked my Facebook account. It was basically flooded with happy birthday messages. I don't normally pay much attention to those types of things but a lot people rememebered my birthday, which was cool!

That's all,
ggirl.

FiNaLLy!

SO I'm done! DONE! Done school for this year. I could've finished better perhaps but I'm done and it's a good feeling.

Right now I'm gonna do some done things. Don't really know what that means I'll be doing it!

Don't even bother reading

I'm in a not good mood. Don't ask me what's wrong cause I don't wanna talk. Nothing's happened I've just been in a general bad life mood...

Boo....

I hate late exams. They're like a tease. A taste of summer only to be forced back in for major testing...

I just want to be journaling and drawing. That's really all there is to be said. Now I need to study Hamlet, Physics, and stupid Bio.

TAG!

Sam's got me tagged. So the rules are that I need to answer a few questions :).

The Rules (what the tagger and the taggee have to do:

Answer some questions from whoever tagged you

Link her to your blog (she's already there!! :D)

Tag some(:P) more people and comment on their blog to let them know!
Ok, the first question.

Who is your favorite author and why?

This would be easier just to answer favourite books. I don't have one specific fav. I like books by Francine River and Lemony Snicket. I like Rivers because they're just great books. They're fictional but they usually on based on some story in the Bible. Lemony Snicket because no one writes books like him. They can be odd sometimes but there's like a million mysteries through out his series that you're always trying to figure out.

Who was your first favorite author and why?

Lemony Snicket probably, see above.

Who is the most recent addition to your favorite authors and why?

Um, sorry guys I'm not much of a reader. Do bloggers count as authors? Because if they do then you're all under this question. Apparently I need to read the Do Hard Things by Brett and Alex Harris, you guys seem to like that one. Oh, and I like the book Dateable by Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco.

If someone asked you who your favorite authors were right now, which authors would pop out of your mouth?

God he wrote the best book!


So... I tag..
Casey
Paige
(I'm little short of six)

Get tagging!

Rock of Ages

I finished a drawing today. I might be giving it away but it says Rock of Ages. I chose that name of God because God is there at everytime in our lives and basically through all the different ages.

My brother's a cheerleader and he did a show today. Here's a picture of him trying to be cool. :) I love this kid!

Touch Me

I want to be hugged right now. Pretty badly. For a long time.

Quote This

I found a great quote yesterday from one of our own bloggers:

"Always remember your past because it provides great instruction for the future, but never go back to the past. You will never move forward if part of you still drifting backward"

Last Day of School

What bum... my friend didn't come to class today. Hardly anyone did. So it wasn't just her but I guess what that means for me is that I should be praying for her whenever I think of her. I know she's not over her cutting because I saw some new cuts yesterday near her hip which I think she meant to cover. That hurts me. When I talked with her that one Friday it seemed like she was blaming her depression on her body or just the way she is but I think that there's a whole lot left that she probably didn't want to talk about then. I wanted so badly just to tell her today that she's loved! Anyways, that's a disappointmeant...

I'm probably not going to get nearly the grades I hoped for because I've slacked off. I know I could do better but there's no motivation there. And I'm not a keener, this whole school system wasn't build for me. I'd rather hands on stuff. I don't even really care anymore I just want school to be done!

Yeah, I'm not really in that great a mood right now. I was talking with another one of my friends today and something she was really excited about and looking forward to for next year is cancelled or at least for her. She didn't really want to talk about it so I don't know the details.

On the upside I found some spare sharpie markers in my media arts class and my teacher let me have one. And I finished my claymation yesterday. The sound could have been much better but it turned out alright. And my media arts teacher (his name's James Ruddle, we call him Ruddle), so Ruddle cancelled a while back the exam we were supposed to have so I didn't have to do that today and those who came got to chill and I did some art. I'm gonna hopefully post some of my new stuff here (sometime). (sigh)

So here's the claymation. Enjoy!

Ahh!!

My Sharpie marker ran out of ink and I can't draw!

Oh, and if you read this any time between now and 3:05 (EST -0500, do the math), pray for me especially hard because it may be the last real chance I have to talk with my media arts friend about Jesus! :)

Thanks a mil!

PS just pray. The prayer is more important than the time!

Back to the Filipinos and a Garage Sale

So last night I went with my dad down to his youth group. As a recap, he's the pastor of a Filipino church in the Toronto area region. It's some distance away from where I live and when I used to go to that church it killed me that I couldn't see the people there more often and be involved in the things they did. So eventually I came back to the local church where I went before the pkship started.

I go back every so often because I need to see people and plus a lot of them supported me with my missions trip. It's truly not a thing I enjoy doing though. I've lost connection with most of the people, really all of them.

Nothing happened that I didn't expect to happened. I felt somewhat to myself. I only really talked to two people one of them is the youth leader of the preteens and the other I've never known more than a "Hey! How are you?". I didn't even remember her name. I later tried to secretly ask my dad what her name was.

Sometimes I feel like I'm expected to know everyone's names because everyone knows my name. Of course they know my name. I'm like that long lost, unseen daughter of his. I'm sort of legendary in a sense I guess. But I'd rather not be. I'd rather be one or the other, there or not there.

And I suck at bowling! My dad's good at it but none of that rubbed off on me.

When we were leaving God blew my mind away with a light show aka a thunder storm. So cool! I hate raining days, and thunderstorms are annoying when they don't stop like they have been but when God puts one in your face and your outside to enjoy it, they are really awesome!

It was pouring like I've never seen pour but I stayed dry underneath a covering. The lightning's cool but what I really loved most was the thunder! I don't know why, the bigger the better. My younger brother who's 11 jumped at couple of them but I just smiled. And you should have seen the kind that get plastered across my face. I definitely got thrilled. No one else can put on a show like that!

Today I slept in, I hate sleeping in. There was a misunderstanding between my mom and I. I thought that she knew I was planning on going to the church garage sale that was a fund raiser for the PNG trip. Apparently not and so I went late. I brought along all the change I collect off the ground. Which was about 5 bucks saved up.

I bought a few good finds: a pair of swim shorts probably 50 bucksish in store for only 3, the movie signs on VHS, a Stacie Orrico CD for my sister because her's is scratched.

I can't help remember last year's garage sale for my trip. So much fun, pretty much a blast! The car wash, and chillin out at the clothes station, trying them all on with my friends Natalie and Morgan. Morgan's good at selling stuff, she's a very influential person! I like remembering things, OK?

Anyways, this thing has turned into a massive pile of words so I'll end it here. Plus I have to clean my room. Talk with you ladies later, ggirl.

One in a Million?

I don't know what the chances of getting hit by lightning are but my house got hit today. The power was out for a while and we're gonna need a new microwave but other than that everything's fine. My mom is sad about the microwave. I am too.

K well I got to go eat and leave cause I'm going bowling with my dad's group tonight.

Prince Caspian and Africa Memories

I saw Prince Caspian tonight. I finished reading the book before it. My personal opinion is that it was a good movie. However, compared to the book they rearranged a lot of the events. The two things that I didn't like the most was when the horn was blown which was way off and resulted in things happening differently and the other thing is an important conversation that Lucy has with Aslan is made into a dream and looses the effect and message the book gives it. Other than that great movie. The action was great and there were a lot of things that were taken straight from the book that I enjoyed: some of the lines, the bear sucking on his paw, the mice. And the action was great.

My church had rented a theater room for the night watched this movie and the veggie tale pirate movie as a fundraiser for a missions team we're sending out to Papua New Guinea. They raised over 6000 dollars and that's awesome.

Before the movie had started the we showed a some video clips of the previous trips my church has sent out. The showed some from my Malawi trip and honestly never has that place felt so far from me.

The more I try to remember all the memories and details the more that's all they're becoming. I think I revisit somethings more than others and I think that I've forgotten how certain people's personalities added to the experience without realizing it.

Eventually all I'll have is my journals and the video I got when I came back. The thing is there was so much more to the trip than what was captured on film. And although I journaled daily, I didn't write they way I do now.

I used to just write mostly what happened rather than what I was feeling and even then I wasn't always 100% honest with myself either because I was worried about how I would return to them or because I didn't want, in my frustration, write something I didn't mean against someone.

But then a lot of those things never got vented. It might have been a much sadder journal if I had and I might have started to focus a lot more on the things that weren't as important as Jesus. Still I was distracted.

The experience is fading and it makes me sad. It's not as real anymore. The scents, the people, the jokes... it's forcing me to move on but that's not really new because I've been moving on since I've been back. I want to hang on to it all and forget it at the same time. I have a paradox for a dilemma...

I'm so tired right now I need to get to bed. Good night.

Are you on fire? Or what then?

Still not caught up on my devos which is key to this blog. Tonight was the last meeting before my trip up to ThunderBay. (FYI the dates for that is July 5 - 12. That would be just as a heads up - I won't be on that week but I'll be journaling and I'll post it all up at a later time).

So anyways, these people are amazing! I love them all. These are the people who are really on fire for Jesus. We don't or at least try hard not to act apart from God. They are the kind of people I want to become more and more like - and then more.

Yeah, so I'm behind in my devos, which automatically makes my relationship with Jesus weakened and strained. But even so (and I will get back on track because when I'm not on track with Jesus it feels like my whole life is off track), the night was still so good.

I cannot spend time around these people without getting excited for the things that God is doing. I never get bored when I'm with them. You might say well there always there those days that don't go that way (granted, they come but they're really rare when I'm with these guys). There is never a time when we can't praise God for the things he's doing because he's always working in ways we don't see even when we don't know it.

That just made me think of our hearts - they just keep beating. We don't tell them continuously to beat, we'd die if that were the case. They do it anyways even when we sleep. God is always at work (and he never malfunctions either, unlike our feeble hearts).

There is never a time when God's promises aren't true. We can always have a hope in Jesus and his word. And he always has plans for us. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

eARLY mORNING tHOUGHTS

So presently (I'm using that word because I'm thinking of the book Prince Caspian and how he uses that word at least every other page). So presently I've been caught doing a project last minute again. Actually I haven't been caught at all, I'm turning myself into the Internet. It's not too late yet but it's definitely not early in the evening anymore and like usual I have no desire to do this. As for the time you'd never know based on the clock system here because it's only rarely right.

I'm only here to say that if I had to stay up all night the one thing I'd love to do is go outside and enjoy the night. Maybe one summer night I should grab the bug spray, extra batteries for a flash light and spend the night with God in my kiddie playground treehouse. I'll bring music too, headphones so I don't wake the neighbours. And a sketchbook too - the night goes on for a while.

For an update, I'm nearly caught up on devos.

By the way, how are you guys doing? I haven't heard from you people in forever! (espescially Sam... miss you)

yggiC

God please teach me responsibility this summer.

...

For the moment I'm just waiting. That's all. Yep.

Getting Through Boredom...

Life sucks right now for me, it seems like it's so incredibly boring. I'm just gonna drag through the next two weeks and get all of school and exams done. Then I'll leave town for Thunder Bay.

Seriously nothing's happening more than a plain schedule can hold. Small group ended this past Thursday. That was alright though, we went to Tim Horton's and mostly just talked. My Monday night group thing ended a couple of weeks ago and on top of that these past couple days I've been feeling a withdrawal from posting new things. I spend too much time on pointless things like guitar hero, and the wrost thing is I'm behind on my devos, which is definitely the worst of it even though it doesn't like any one thing is making me feel this way.

For a day or two I'd like to shut the world off and put myself in a small comfortable corner so I can be by myself and read Prince Caspian before I see it this Wednesday(?).

I'll be alright, I just need some more time,

ggirl

Sleeping up?

So this is kinda cool. Last night I went upstairs in my blanket to get my pencil case so I could draw before going to bed. It was thundering outside previously and when I looked out the window everything looked really cool and I was drawn to it. I sat down on the small couch, the two person couch aka the love seat, that was right by it. I was really enjoying myself and spending time with Jesus. It was so nice and the way the blinds' shadows looked on the ceiling because of the night light was really beautiful. I had every intension of going back down stairs but I fell asleep. I even thought while I was still awake that I might fall asleep, but I was like nawww... that would never happen. My mom found me there in my blanket at like 7 and asked me what I was doing. But it was sooo nice!

birthday beep. honk for a prayer.

Ok, so I miss hearing real comments from you guys but whatever...

*sigh* My birthday's coming up and I have nothing special in mind. I wish I did. It feels like it's just going to be another day. I'm sure when the time comes I'll be excited and expect everyone to remember it, but really it's an exam day. That really sucks. So I'm hoping I won't have one that day and have it off. I don't know, usually around this time I'm more excited. There's nothing I'm even asking for like I usually do want something. I told my mom today that I just want some peanut butter, it's good stuff.

What's even happened in a year? I went to Africa with mixed memories of it. I have had really great moments with my friend Morgan and then letting go of her to become just another friend even though I still pray for her daily has been hard. It has however made me thankful for every moment I've spent with her since. I've had good days and bad days and probably grown some in my relationship with Jesus this year too. Actually I have for sure. In a very small nutshell that's what's happened since my last birthday.

Where am I going? I have no idea what I want to do after high school. Most likely I'll a take a year off to chill, think, and work. The truth is I guessed at what courses I want to take for next year and I could probably replace most of them with other courses I might find interesting. I'm just riding through aimlessly.

God things excite me. Thinking about how I might be going on this canoe trip is weird. My grade will be the oldest there for the first time. That's really different. It means that Morgan won't be there, or any of my friends who have just been off at university for their first year. I'm going into grade 12 and that's where the line was drawn because too many C&C people who are several years too old just keep hanging around and they needed to be distinguished as their own group by having a separate canoe trip.

On the other hand, and it's weird both ways for me, is that kids who are in grade 8 right now will be coming on the trip because they're going into high school. So they seem really young to me, a whole three years! No but you guys, everyone who reads this is older than me. Thanks for taking the time for me even though I'm a youngling and all. I was thinking about this today and the thought of being a leader in the youth, meaning almost definitely for these future niners, excited me. Hopefully they'll think of me as cool and I'll have the chance to be a good role model too.

I'd like to see things happen with my small group, for it to thrive again and for people to be excited about it. I'd like to see more of an outreach happening in my school through the youth. Something for the people who are broken who need Jesus, so they can have a place to go or for anyone who's interested in even knowing more. I'd like to see more people using their God-given gifts to serve him. For the church to be a better community, to be there for one another. For us to be accountable with one another so we can know where everyone's at. For the small groups to be more connected instead of them each doing their own things, so we can at least be praying for one another.

Can God do all those things through me? In one year? Or at least have a start on those things? Are there other people who want the same thing as me? Will they support me? Could this be more of a long term thing? Is ministry the call on my life? What about the other passions God's given me? Things for art, and thinking like math, how can they be used? Am I disillusioned? Or am I on track?

Please keep praying for whether or not the canoe trip thing should happen for me. I think that the leadership for the next year will be firmly established through...

Whoa, I think I may possibly have just got something from God this very moment. I don't know where it is in the Bible but I just thought of the story where Jesus is like telling some guy to follow him and he's just like let me wait 'til my father's funeral. Which really meant let me wait until my dad dies so I can bury him and then I'll do whatever you tell me. But Jesus is all about it and wants him to follow him then and there, devoted. So now, for me it's like I might be giving up the chance to have a big influence this next year through leadership by skipping out on a canoe trip for relatives that I've only met a couple times.

Granted, it may be the last time I ever see them again, at least until Heaven, and they are traveling a great distance from Zimbabwe. But now I'm almost seeing it like in chess, giving up your queen for a mere pawn. Maybe that pawn has something on me, but it would never be worth giving up the most powerful piece in the game: the queen.

So yes, keep praying, what I just mentioned is another great reason in support of me going, but there's no such thing as to much prayer. And I'd love to be certain of my choice when I make it. So if God gives you a word, make sure you drop it by and let me know.

So this blog that was originally going to be a moan about how I have no idea what my birthday will be, has now been turned into a prayer request about something that's very close to my heart. God has a funny way of doing things.

Love you all,

Steph

This past weekend

Nothing exciting happened this past weekend. I went to a surprise party on Friday and had fun. My aunt and uncle and my cousins came over randomly on Saturday and ended up staying for my brother's 11th birthday party. They picked the right day. He got guitar hero 3. Then I went to youth and was almost literally the only girl there. We played some hockey and I got a scratch on the back of my leg. Yup that's basically it.

By the way, it wasn't ice hockey... it's too warm for that.

I missed some stuff that might make it more interesting. I've been doing a Bible in a year read through thing chronologically since September and I finally started into the New Testament yesterday! Last Sunday (not yesterday)I called my pastor and left a message asking him to reserve a spot on the canoe trip so I'd could have time to pray about it and not worry about all the spots being taken. I asked him if he got it at youth on Saturday and he said that he did and that it was very cool that I was thinking like that. It made me happy but really I'm just going with whatever God puts in front of me...

Children See. Children do.

In response to Casey's post "Leaving a Legacy".

More Prayer and Humor

K guys, I need some more prayer for my friend in my media arts class. Today I had another chance to talk with her more in depth about a lot of stuff. But I don't think the message is getting through just yet. I mostly just asked a lot of questions to get into her mind. She hasn't been in my class for the past 3 days because she's quit smoking and was going through the withdraw of it. I'm gonna keep her accountable on that one. Pray that God would use me to reach her and that it would be God doing the work through me. (I can't do it on my own and that's a fact).

A couple random funny things have happened this week and I thought I'd share them with you. One day my mom and I were getting stuff at a grocery store and a small black bird managed to get through the automatic doors and was flying around. There wasn't any comical frenzy of the workers in the store but it was amusing.

Today I was waiting outside for my dad to pick me up and this guy started pulling on my bag. I turned around to see who it was and I didn't know the guy. I smiled at him cause it was probably pretty embarrassing for him and asked him "Wrong person?"

And I guess how I woke up yesterday might have been funny if she wasn't talking about me.

Peace.

Good Morning!

This one is going on the permanent record. Maybe I'll laugh about it later. Wanna know how weird my mom is? Well keep reading. This morning my mom woke me up by first kissing me then saying "Good morning my little egg and sperm!". Who does that!? She thought she was hilarious. I told her she was weird and that I wasn't getting up because of that. I also called her an egg and sperm in return... Anyways, it's here. So you can laugh your heads off, have fun. I need to go get dressed.

Whooo! Jesus High, if you know what I'm saying....

Hey guys! I haven't given you any real update on my life since Saturday, although I hope you've liked the other stuff. So I figured I really needed to put something up, especially because these past few days have been very interesting and I'm on a Jesus high right now! SWEET!

My weekend was very busy with essay writing because I had slacked off before hand. I got distracted once or twice, but overall I worked pretty hard. And considering I HATE essays, I think I did a pretty good job on it. It will be interesting to get that back. That was my culminating for English worth 15%, so I'm really glad that's out of the way.

That's the tip of my iceberg of things that are going on in my life. So I'll keep going onwards... Monday was amazing! It was the last Bible study type group night with the people I'm going to Thunderbay with and also my friends Morgan and Jake who aren't going to Thunderbay. The three leaders who are leaders there (obvi.) were praying for certain people in the group and stuff and we each got individually prayed for this week too. Jodi, an amazing person who loves Jesus and is a really awesome speaker, she was the leader who was praying for me. All the leaders wrote letters for the people they were praying for. Before I had read the letter I decided that I wouldn't share here what was written because it's personal and stuff. But what she said to me is basically what was written in the letter, and it's not really a secret what she said. And it's so cool and I know that God is in this and he's always just blowing me away with how superb he is.

So what she had basically said, was that the day before Monday (Sunday) she had gone out for a walk with Jesus and prayed for the four people that she was praying for when God spoke to her with the words "Friend of God" for me. K, I'm gonna go get the letter so I can draw from it all the things I'm forgetting. The first verse that he put on her heart was John 15:14 "You are my FRIEND if you do what I command you". That could apply to a hundred different things in my life, anybody's really, but it's a call to live in obedience to God, doing things that please him from whatever angle you look at me. Obviously I'm not perfect, but I want to try to live like Jesus and be an example of his love.

The next thing was "Love the LORD you God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul". She wrote out what each of those meant but that's really all about putting him first, and that needs to happen every single day.

This last thing is what she told me was the one He really wanted me to focus on especially. And this is the one that especially won me over and had me sold, not that the other ones didn't but this one hit home. "That you (I) would be a woman [who] also craves God - with Godly appetites". This is what my passion is, what follows, and that she also said: That people would see what I have, and want it. The relationship with my BEST FRIEND (JESUS). My whole passion (after God) is for friends, that I would have good friendships and for my friends who don't know about the good news that Jesus offers, that God would use me to help reach them. That's the kind of thing that excites me most.

I mean that's true to my character, you'll know as you've been getting to know me, for Morgan that God would keep blessing her whether that would mean me being close with her or not, for my friend in my media arts class who I want so desperately to find hope and love in Jesus.

And even today, I have a friend named Angela. It's her birthday today. I don't really know her that well at all because she's honestly one of quietest people I know. But I see her everyday and she goes to my small group so for tomorrow I'd like to do something for her so that she knows that she doesn't go unnoticed. I told my mom that I wanted to do something for her for tomorrow but she didn't get it. She just said that her mom could do something for her if she wanted to but it's different with friends. Moms basically can't forget their own children, that's all there is to it. There's no doubt of their love but if something comes from a friend than you know they mean it because there's nothing there to make them give anything unless it's of their own choice. That's my take on it.

So Monday was really great. I would've put something up here then but I chose to spend time with God who is obviously more important than you guys because I was on a Jesus high then too and I only had time for one of the two, without staying up late that is.

What a contrast Monday was with Tuesday now. You're like "What was Tuesday like?"

Sometimes I feel so fed up with myself because it feels like I can never make the right choices. Yesterday I had homework that needed to be done and I let myself be easily distracted by just about everything I came across. TV, siblings, food, you name it and it distracted me. Now I did get the homework done, but it cost me a lot of sleep last night. And I shamefully didn't put God first like I needed to. That's really all there is too that.

Today I am in a really great mood. I don't know why. Nothing particularly good or bad has happened. The weather is really nice out today. I'm free from a few homework assignments that are now done. I've put God first today and spent time in the Word before coming on here. I'm perfectly content with who I am even though sometimes I make wrong decisions... I don't know. I'm just enjoying life and it's fantastic.

Have a great day guys, Steph!

Malawi Vid

I just posted this video on youtube. The song isn't actually in the language they speak in Malawi, but rather Zambia. I really wish it were in Chichewa instead though.

50 Addictional

I'm starting this on May 20, 2008 and I'll publish this when I get to 50. I'll just add them as I think of them over time.

1. I sleep in the basement, so it can get cold.
2. My middle name is Michelle (it's my mom's name)
3. I've never dyed my hair before because I love my colour.
4. I used to collect Beanie Babies.
5. My favourite one is Peanut the elephant.
6. When I was younger I hated taking pills, so I ate them crushed with honey.
7. I was given the nickname Sophie by one of my friends and I hear it so often now I respond. I don't mind it either.
8. There are sesame street stickers on my Africa journal.
9. I have a small collection of American coins, so when they all add up I'll be able to get something out of it through the exchange rate.
10. I like trying new flavours of toothpaste. (I hope we all have at least teeth brushing in common), jks.
11. Right now I'm using Crest Scope Citrus Splash.
12. I really miss Morgan and having her around as much as I used to. She's still here but I feel so far.
13. I'm sometimes afraid of being part of a team for fear of letting someone down.
14. I think that's why I skipped out on my music performances last semester... I was worried I'd be the only one they'd have to depend on for the bass part and then I wouldn't know my stuff.
15. My alter ego is ... I couldn't think of a good one so obviously it's not true, but wouldn't that be sweet. (Or maybe I do have an alter ego but I'm still keeping it a secret, think about it)
16. The first time I ever played guitar hero I got 27% on easy! Pretty bad, and it was in a mall.
17. I snore and sometimes sleep talk.
18. I once slept walk to go to the washroom. My mom found me in the kitchen, cupboard door open, ready to go pee in the pots. She took me to bed before anything else happened.
19. On my first day of kindergarten, I didn't know what recess was and I copied everything another boy did when I went outside to play that first time.
20. My cousin Rachael is pregnant (she's married). I know what it is but I won't tell you what it is until it (almost slipped it) is born.
21. I was born at 3:11 in the morning.
22. I just thought that it would be interesting to write 100 or 150 things I know about God...
23. I absolutely love my small group.
24. Taz used to be my favourite cartoon character, now I don't know who mine is.
25. I'm going to Belize this summer.
26. I rarely mix my socks.
27. The wallet I use now is the same wallet I've had since I was 6.
28. I think boxer puppies are really cute.
29. I used to have a really hyper poodle named Skipper.
30. I had a hamster about year ago that only lived for a month.
31. It escaped from it's cage and had pretty much gone crazy. It died shortly after I had caught it.
32. I wrote a very unprofessional rap in her honour that I probably still have somewhere.
33. The song On Fire by Switchfoot is stuck in my head right now.
34. My youtube username is basschic40. I mentioned that in one of my very oldest blogs.
35. I went to a Newsboys concert two years ago (May 21, 2006) and it rocked.
36. I almost caught Paul Colman's guitar pic.
37. If I have more than one bill in my wallet at a time I'll put the smaller bills in the front and the bigger bills in the back, and have them all facing the same direction.
38. When I was in Africa I always wore my money belt, except for when I bathed.
39. I can't touch my toes. Well maybe if I put in a whole lot of effort...
40. I think I should read Prince Caspian before seeing the movie.
41. I have my OHIP number memorized. (Ontario Health Insurance Plan)
42. My dad once hitchhiked all the way to Florida. I've only heard the story once but I'm pretty he had a gun pointed at him one time. It's a good story and there's more to it than that.
43. I have a football poster on my wall and I have no idea how the game even works.
44. Gold Bond Ultimate is my favourite hand moisturizer.
45. I use Pantene Pro-V for my hair because it's thick, my hair that is.
46. Neptune is my favourite planet (I guess that would be asides from Earth).
47. I love peaches.
48. White carnations are my favourite flowers.
49. If someone randomly bought me flowers it would really make my day!
50. God has filled my life with so many blessings!

Ended: May 26, 2008 4:10 PM

A Pretty Boring Saturday

Haww... today's been sucha weird day. Like an hour ago I was like "Man, I'm not even gonna go on cause I'm so tired". I still am tired, it's 12:28am right now and it will be later when I actually publish this and get to bed... but you know me - I wouldn't miss a day.

That's not why I came on though, I don't care about missing a day. I just love blogging.

So quick summary of my day. Most of the day I've been working pretty hard on an ISU for English that I honestly haven't done much work on until today. I got distracted later on but that's not the point.

I have this friend of mine named Alex who's in my English class. She went to Africa too, but she was on the rural team, not the urban team like me. We were prayer partners through it all. I called her today to ask her how to spell my English teacher's last name for the essay. She doesn't come out to youth very often anymore, hardly ever. I invited her to our small group like a month back, which she went to last year and the reason she gave me for not coming out to youth anymore was because she kinda felt like everybody already has their own group of friends and so on. It breaks my heart a little. It doesn't make sense to me though because everyone loves her and if she had been coming out I think she could have had a really good influence on two girls in particular who were on her Africa team. I don't even know where they're at now... I asked her how she was doing and she let me pray with her just over the phone. She was slightly hesitant, like ughh... ok. I really need to be praying for her again more often.

So now I'll tell you about the latter part of my day. A short period of time ago, possibly 2ish hours ago I read Casey's most recent blog, titled Blessed. I haven't commented on it yet, but I'll get to it. She made indirect reference to the 5 languages of love, good books I've heard but I've never actually read them myself. I went upstairs to ask my dad about it because I thought he had it. Apparently he does have it but he was working and didn't have time to look for it.

I went down stairs to see what my mom was doing. Talking on the phone, typical. She was talking with my Gramma for soo long while watching the news. I waited the whole time for her to talk to me but by the time she got off it, it was too late to talk. (sigh) It upsets me the way she spent so long talking with her mom but hardly said anything to me. I'm not that interested in the news... if I wait that long I probably want something. Some attention might be nice.

What I don't want to write is that after she went to bed and I went down to the basement where my room is, I cried. I cry sometimes. It's a very rare thing for me to cry in front of people but if I wanted to I could cry every night and no one but God would know, unless I cried loudly, which I wouldn't. And I don't cry every night, it's even pretty rare a thing for me to cry just in my room by myself. So I let God in on how I was feeling while looking unsuccessfully for the book. It was the easiest way to express myself.

Let's see what was I even crying anyways... Something about just wishing I had someone to talk to. I praying and saying things like I'll call out to Saskatchewan if it means having someone to talk to (I was thinking of my Lisa who's out there and I've been keeping in touch with but I don't have her current phone number). I just want someone to dig into me, to really know me. And then I was thinking of all the things I'd like to one day see with the youth group while glancing over all of my dad's books on the shelves of the office. I cried some more about how all of my passions don't even matter to me when I don't feel loved. I'd say that for me, I mean I guess if I were to read the book I would have a better idea, but I think for me the two love languages that are most prominent for me are gifts, and quality time. But mostly gifts.

I ended up getting distracted because I found some random Manga Messiah cartooned version of the Bible and started reading it. Can you say ADD? I don't even know where it came from but it was a great way for me to get my mind off the topic! And now I'm here, tired, telling you people.

Steph <3

Canoe Trip Prayer Request

I'd just like to quickly ask you guys if you could be praying for some discernment for me. I've got a second cousin coming over from Zimbabwe this summer for a while and the week I could get to see her is the week that my youth group has our annual canoe trip.

In normal circumstances, I'd easily choose to see my cousin who I haven't seen since I was like 6, but here's the problem this is my last year of canoe trip before having to move on to C&C the following year.

The thing is I was talking to my pastor today and from what I got out of it, it sounds like it's going to be a pretty fundamental trip like a good starting stone for the group's next year. And I'm guessing that the youth leadership's going to be pretty well established by the end of it, which I really want to be a bigger part of. I wanna step up and do a bit more... just be more involved with the way things go, y'know. It's not something I really want to miss out on, plus the canoe trip is great fun.

Thanks guys I really appreciate it!

Today's Stuff

I just finished reading Zechariah. This past March a few of my friends went to Israel to check out the holy land, they're actually some of the leadership from the team of people I'm going to Thunderbay with.

Anyways, they came back with some cool stories and they were talking about the Mount of Olives. They told us of how when Jesus comes back he'll stand up top and it'll split, East to West, half of it moving North and the other South. And I think it may be the Muslims who own land on the one side of it where Jesus will walk. So what they've done, even though they don't believe in the Bible or in Jewish Law, they've built a wall all the way along the eastern side and also have a cemetery because Jewish prophets aren't allowed to walk along through cemeteries.

But then this is what I've heard but haven't actually looked into further, that a fault line has recently been found right through the mountain! Pretty much, the Bible is truth and all creation supports it. It's just that logical. I said all that because I found where all that is found in the Bible: Zachariah 14:4.

"On that day his feet will stand on the Mount of Olives, east of Jerusalem, and the Mount of Olives will be split in two from east to west, forming a great valley, with half of the mountain moving north and half moving south."

The best verse of the chapter is this though, Zachariah 14:9.

"The LORD will be king over the whole earth. On that day there will be one LORD, and his name the only name."

Other things, today I've been listening to music and understanding it more than I usually do. Don't know if you know the song Leaving 99 by Audio Adrenaline, but I've never known what it's all about before today and it made no sense. It's about Leaving the 99 sheep for the one lost sheep.

My brother's birthday party is tonight but his actually birthday is next Friday. It seems like he's really getting bigger lately. Both more mature and taller. The good thing is that I can still beat him when we wrestle... for now. He's turning 11, yeah I know, what a poop. I love that kid so much!

Science Olympics

I just got back from my science olympic thing and maybe you were wondering how it went.

It was fun. I woke up at 5:30 this morning. There were three events: bio, chem, and physics. They were all grade 12 level, which made it somewhat challenging. For the chemistry event no one had a clue what to in my group so we just spent an hour mixing different chemicals together.

The whole thing was survival themed. The physics event was my favourite, we had to make a catapult/launch thing with elastics and a funnel. I think we were supposed to use equations to get the ball a certain distance but we only did trial & error. That's basically everything important.

Oh, my friend Eden (in between friend and acquaintance), she was talking to this guy named Patrick, who's really into music, about Hillsong. That's cool but the one thing that was on my mind the whole time because they were talking for a while, was that they only talked about Hillsong and never once mentioned Jesus who is the center of all the praise that Hillsong sings... Just my thoughts.

yggiC

A Little More Than Basics

God blew my mind again today and I don't know why. I love it when these kinds of things happen. Back in April I wote an opinion paper for Bio the night before it was due. I got it back today and I got a 95 on it and 100 for communication! My teacher's not an easy marker either, on the contrary. My friends got like 70s and 75s on it.

I'm not trying to brag or anything either. I wonder if anyone saw my face in my physics class next period. I was kind of in shock and I literally got a few chills just at the thought of how good God is. I really don't know why I got that mark. I mean right now I feel like I'm falling behind and just doing the basics, but God really surprised me with that one! :D

Missing One?

I found this funny when I was reading my Bible today.

Ezra 1:9-10

9 This was the inventory:
gold dishes 30
silver dishes 1,000
silver pans 29

10 gold bowls 30
matching silver bowls 410
other articles 1,000

Looks like someone forgot a silver pan when the counting was going on...

A Blessing

Whoo! Today, I'm just on a high. (No drugs, don't worry).

I really meant to start out by saying God is good! Today's been just like that day for when Casey she got a call from H.A. It's just been a real blessing.

Today I was chosen by my Physics teacher to go to some science olympics thing this Thursday, along with another really smart student. I was really surprised because I'm not one the smartest of the people in my class. I would like to think I'm up there, but not top. Maybe I got brownie points for being honest. I don't know.

Then, I mentioned in the 100 things blog that I usually spend my lunches playing hacki sack with some of my guy friends, but today we randomly started to walk and talk after eating. While walking and talking I met up with one of my friends named Kayla. Pretty awesome girl, she's a young Christian that I'm excited for.

I think she was talking with some guy I just met today about Jesus, which is obviously great. His name's Kurt or Curt or something. He believes in evolution and I got to talk with him a bit. We just encouraged him to ask questions and if he ever wanted to he could talk to my pastor(Chad) or her pastor(Matt).

Yeah, so I'm definitely excited about her. I want to talk to her more and pray with her more.

K, that's all! I was planning on not even coming on here because I've been on here way too much lately, but I really couldn't help writing about this! Now I need to go draw some scientific drawing of pigs so I can watch A.I. later. I hope Archuleta wins!

When She Cries - The Story of my 16th Bday

I can hear fireworks going off right now, and apparently I'm not watching them... I'm just really feeling like blogging right now. I don't even have anything to write about. So I'm going to tell you a little story from my life that I gave you a heads up for a while back. I'm gonna tell you about the song When She Cries by Britt Nicole and how it could almost be written about me.



It's kind of a sad story, I mean how much can you expect from a song titled When She Cries. Either way, it doesn't matter because I'm in a good mood. I'm only making mention of that because ostensibly my moods come off quite easily. (I used a big word).

When I first heard this song the first thing that caught my attention was the sixteenth birthday part because my sweet sixteen wasn't all that I had expected it to be. When she sings about bruises and bleeding they would be more like emotional scars for me. Around that time I was still trying to figure out who I was and asking things about my what my purpose was.

I'm going to type the journal of my birthday because I just read it over and it's very honest to what happened that day. Journaling was I how made myself stop crying because it made think about it all. That night was probably the most and hardest I've ever cried. Background info before you read it, it was three days before my trip to Malawi. I make reference once in my journal to Morgan but I didn't really know her at the time. My birthday was the commissioning Sunday and it was a pretty big deal for the trip and everything. Sometimes when people have their birthdays on Sundays people take them out for lunch, that didn't happen for me. I did have extra family though and also I took a Malaria pill that day, so it may have caused additional mood swing.

Here it is (June 24, 2007):

I don't know how to start this off any other way but to say that I'm writing this to Jesus. This might be a few pages long, but I need to get everything I'm feeling out.

So today's my 16th birthday, right? Big party, this is supposed to be a really special birthday. And today's the Sunday before the Malawi team and I leave to go to Malawi. We leave in three days and this Sunday is the commissioning Sunday (today).

I must be depressed or something. I try to be such a good friend to everybody I know and I try to put time and effort into the things I do, make, give, you name it, whatever for my friends. I get a good feeling when I do nice things for other people and I enjoy doing nice things for other people.

My hope, however, is that people will give me some kind of attention in return, sooner or later. It's really hard for me to write this because I want to write exactly what I'm feeling but I don't want to make what I'm writing seem bigger or smaller, more or less, important than what I'm going through.

I crave attention. I love attention but I don't pursue it and I don't know how to react to it when I get it.

I'm confused about what I really want to write. I want to write about how I felt today and everything I was crying about earlier. I guess I'll do both.

Basically, today wasn't everything I hoped it would be, and I'm kind of disappointed right now. I wanted attention that I didn't get, more people remembering my birthday, maybe even a couple people making me something.

Jesus, I want to thank you for Christine, who I know loves me, who I honestly don't show my appreciation for enough, and who at least put an effort into remembering my birthday. I do love her.

I think that the biggest, or at least one of the biggest downers was that, after a long day of everything, when I finally got to open my long-awaited gifts what I got, not that I have any right to be complaining, was a nalgene bottle and batteries. Doesn't that say "Sweet Sixteen"?

Okay, so I won't be all negative about today, I mean it's only one day, and it wasn't completely rotten. I think that when you cry all your problems get blown out of proportion. But it leaves me wondering, because I really don't know, just how big my problems are when they're seen in proper perspective... my tears must seem so huge to my Heavenly Father, (well I guess I should say "You" because I'm writing this to You, Jesus, but I don't think all the "You"'s would make sense if I did), who loves me so much He gave His Son to die for me, which is crazy.

I want to write about my favourite part of my day but I've got another thought on this page that I need to write. Here it is, I'll leave this thought on the page to let simmer and I hope I get the answer someday: If JESUS thought I was worth enough to die for, how come so few people, including myself, find it hard to see my worth? I want to know my worth and God's perfect will for my life specifically. I would love to have that question answered.

My favourite part of my day was going on a bike ride with my brother and my dad. We ate freezies together that we bought on our way. We just sat and ate the freezies and they were good. Thanks for my dad Jesus. I love him. So many people don't have their dads and I just thank You that I have my dad.

And what possibly made my day is that Morgan happened to ride by on her bike just as we were eating our freezies.

Morgan's such a unique kid Jesus, and I want to thank you that I'm going to Africa with her. I don't think she lives with her dad but I want to thank You that her and I, we both know that You're big enough to provide and be everything we need.

What a great sentence that last one was to lead in to the last thing I want to write! Please teach everyone on our team both Rural & Urban, but specifically Urban, because that means me (and Morgan too), YOUR BIGNESS.

Mr. Milne says You're gonna blow my mind and I know he's telling me the truth. And I'm excited for it. Honestly, I'm a bit nervous for everything, but way more excited!

Help me to rely on You primarily while I'm there (and for the rest of my life) and also my brothers and sisters in You.

Thanks for Your love in my life Jesus, goodnight [heart drawn on page]

Steph
______________________

If something's not clear or I missed something feel free to ask. If I were to think about that night for too long I might cry again even.