Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Red

Red
Makes me think of blood
Makes me think of death
The irony
Without blood
We have no life

But would we ever know its colour apart from sin?

Friday, November 12, 2010

North Dakota


I'm in the little town of Velva for the time. Canadians have Rememberance day off, making the weekend one day longer, so one of my friends invited me back to her little town.

There were also two other girls who came and all three of them, plus others went to some football game, but I stayed back at her house to finish a paper I procrastinated with...

So I'm on my own for the day. Might write some poetry sometime. And I'm just straight up bored.

I ate a meal at a little diner by myself. Got the whole thing on camera. Doing it Andy Warhol style. That's how cool I am. Yeah. I can't wait til they get back.

Never ever procratinate.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Apathy

It's not right, but apathy has consumed me this evening.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Jordon

I've had an awful week, having to deal with having a really good friend of mine take his life. October 5, 2010.







Thursday, September 9, 2010

Neon Pee

After many dramatic happenings, I'm at school now. Things are awesome. I've got lots of work to do, but that's the exciting part because I'm looking forward to being stretched and pushed to my limits. I want to do hard things and I want to do them well. I love my roommate. She's really great. Of everyone one on my hall I'd pick her, if I had the chance now after meeting everyone.

This'll sound weird, but lately I've noticed that my pee's been a neon yellow colour. I did a Google search to find out that that's caused from taking multivitamins, which makes perfect sense because recently I started taking them. :)

Have a great day,

Stephanie

Friday, August 13, 2010

Yo what's happening!??!

So how have all your summers been going, dears?

Here's the deal. This summer has been an enormous time of growth for me. Starting back from May with the fast that I did.

If you want the long story, here it is:

I do this monthlong computer fast because I'm addicted to YouTube and am spending hours and hours on waste.

Part way through I start reading a book called Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I've mentioned it before.

I finish the book and I'm trying to apply everything that I've learned. (which I've haven't ceased to do)

So that's going well. May and June I'm praying about the next year. I apply to Briercrest College in Saskatchewan, Canada. I'm praying that the Lord would be directing all these things that I'm thinking about and that he would go before me in these matters. I'm accepted to the school, and I'm told that I've been shortlisted for this scholarship. The catch is that I can't know how much it's for because they wouldn't want my hopes up. They do tell me that it's good though so I start praying for it.

I think it was the following week. The usual scheduling manager goes on holiday for a week, and so another manager takes the job for that week and when I receive my schedule I find that I've just gain an extra 25 hours of spare time, which just bums me out.

During the time that I had off one day, I get a call from the school. One of the people from the Student Finance department calls. (a call that I probably wouldn't have gotten without the time off) She wants to talk with me, and so we talk. She asks me a bunch of questions, to which I answer, and when we've finished she tells me that it was nice talking with me and tells me that if I'm the one to receive the scholarship, I'll know by the end of the week.

After a few back and forth calls between her and my parents (because I was working everytime), she decides to email me to let me know that I did get this scholarship! Awesome! The best part is that this scholarship is one to cover my entire first year of school! I am truly so blessed. I was stunned with awe and thankfulness.

I just took a break from writing and I don't exactly know how to continue.

Basically, I've been learning a lot about God lately. He is so awesome - that is the True God, the God of the Bible. It honestly baffles me to think that anyone could deny his existence, yet without doubt that there an abundance of such people.

And if anyone were interested in looking into the validity of Scripture or anything, there are tons of resources available for that kind of thing. But no matter how strong the evidence, no matter what anyone says, it is true that without faith no one can take the Bible at it's word and just accept it as truth.

Fitting that in with this story of what I've been going through, I am very excited to be going to school. I've been counting down the days, which normally makes the wait longer, but somehow it hasn't. (15 til I leave as of now). There's really a lot to be excited about, but what I think I'm most excited about is the opportunity to grow in maturity.

It may be fun to be childish for a time, that is when you're supposed to be a kid. Becoming an adult though, you shouldn't want to be a slave to doing just whatever seems fun or pleasurable. That doesn't mean that you don't have fun or find pleasure, but it's just done differently.

If you live your whole life in pursuit of what brings you pleasure, you have wasted your life.

God has told us that there are ways to best live life. There is a way that is best to live as men and women and it doesn't include living for yourself. Jesus Christ is Lord of all and he needs to be exalted on high because he is righteous and good. The catch is that you can't live for both yourself and God. There's only enough room on the throne for one, and the choice is entirely up to you.

Even if no else is in for living for God, I want to be. I want to be set-apart for proclaiming Jesus as King. I want to spend my life declaring how good he's been to me. I want people to look at me and my life and invariably say that Jesus Christ must be the great God. Or something similar to that.

So if you didn't want to hear about Jesus today, I don't care. He's awesome and he is Lord, and the life he offers is either never talked about or wrongly spoken about by people who don't care the slightest.

In short, I'm just making myself available to his purposes and he's doing a lot of work with and in me. Included with that, is the reordering of my priorities and value s. Spending loads of time on my computer doesn't even make it close to the top.

I don't mind typing up a post once in a while, I just want to know that the time isn't being wasted. So if you want to know more about how school ends up being for me or whatever, then just leave a comment (they're sent straight to my email so I always get them).


********I propose that I'll write one post per month, so long as at least one person leaves some kind of comment saying that they'd read it. So that'll be it. Once a month or as often as people say they're interested. *********

PS thanks Diipo for asking! :)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Blow My Mind Awesome

What used to be a puzzle of complexity

Has now been made [basically] simple

The Mystery is how

Not all things are clear

But there is now an understanding

This is beautiful









NOTE: I had a perfect title for this yesterday when I wrote this, but the one I gave it will do.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

How do you wield?

Prayer is a weapon we are unpracticed in wielding?

But I want to know what you're praying for?

Let me know, k.

And if you aren't yet praying (and I mean specifically to the God of the Bible) what's the hold up?

Monday, June 7, 2010

Breakfast

Has it been a month? OK, OK, so it's been a month.

And here are my thoughts.

First off, I would definitely do it again.

At first, I didn't know what to do with myself, which just meant that I wasted my time in other ways. Then, still hooked on the vlogbrothers, I bought a John Green book. I was going to be a big reader or something. I read it, liked it well enough. Moved on the next book on my list: Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I had picked it up before but had to put it down because it was too challenging. I did get through it, and would highly recommend it to anyone serious about spending time with their King (Jesus).

From all this, it has come about that I need to purposefully not waste time. It's just far too valuable to be squandered. And I want to be spending hours in prayer because that would be anything but wasted time.

I definitely won't be watching YouTube anymore, I'd like to only, or mostly only be using my computer for the essentials, which I've decided for me, are basically, email (which may sometimes mean facebook - you have filter those to know which are junk and which are of use), the calendar feature, online banking (I've had to go biking for that every time this past month), and perhaps the dictionary feature.

This blog doesn't make the cut. I'm really sorry. That's not to say I won't ever post anything, but when I do, it'll be with irregularity. Still, feel free to leave comments, they get sent to my email, and I read them all. Ask me how I'm doing and stuff. I'd love that.

That's about it. It has been an amazing month. And again, I would definitely, recommend that book Wrestling Prayer to anyone interested. And if you do read it let me know.

Steph

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Fast

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. That last thing that I proposed with Thursdays and Sundays. It hasn't worked at all.

Tonight my pastor encouraged me to take a fast for like a month. So that's the plan. No computer for a month. You can leave comments for me to return to for breakfast (after the month is done), but otherwise I won't get them.

Though it's YouTube that I've got myself addicted to, I think I'll miss my blog the most. Yes, definitely. It's like a dairy that I let strangers kindly comment on. (And yes, I know, I wouldn't consider all of you strangers). A place for discussion that doesn't consume me.

But obviously, I'm not doing this because I have perfect self-control, so if I were to let myself have this one this one little non-problem thing, the whole fast would be futile.

So I leave you with my peace and love. I will return, as I always do.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

A weekly something something?

So considering that I have to out the door tomorrow at six in the morning to say goodbye to a friend leaving the country to return to her home for the next four months, this is late.

But I have had something of what I might consider a good idea. Weekly stuff. Yuck? Well, as you may have noticed in recent posts, I have a growing interest in YouTube. Another word for that might be an issue, or even possible a small addiction. And we all know those aren't any good.

So there's just no way I could go without it - at least not at this time in history, as I see as possibly the greatest media ever created, or the media with the greatest potential for cultural direction and community. Does that sound lame? I could probably better word it if I had more time, but I frankly just don't care right now.

So here are the limitations for myself that I am proposing, feel free to hold me too them: that I should only watch on Thursdays and Sundays. (Though this Wednesday maybe the exception due to a certain vlogbrothers video that I'm looking forward too). If possible, I might explore playing around with videos, as in uploading videos, which I already have actually. So for videos that I might like to post in the future, that would have to wait until Sundays. Sundays would be the only permissible days. Actually, no. Not Sundays, Thursdays. Yes, only Thursdays. OK.

If you can think of any other things that might be useful as a weekly thing, please let me know. But if their only purpose turns out to be wasting, it simply can't happen. I have a time management issue. Always have.

Oh, and if you're at all interested in my YouTube thing, my user is basschic40. Subscribe if you think I may have potential, and if you just hate the videos, then don't. Also, I made a twitter account yesterday. As an experiment, similar to VEDA - which I did not do, I would like to tweet at least once a day. I reserve the right to bail at any time. If I can figure out, I might add a thing to the side of the blog.

K, night!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Addressed to Mr.Wonderful :)

April 22, 2010

Dear Mr.Wonderful,

I've been thinking about you lately. Not you as in a specific person, obviously, because I don't know who you are yet. More than that though, I've been thinking about just how nice it would be to have a best friend.

So let me ask you a few questions about yourself. Are you a nerdfighter? Because I think it might be nice to marry one, if I could find one who loved Jesus. I'm sure there must be a couple people like that, but I'm only really just getting into YouTube and everything.

But Mr.Wonderful, whether you're a nerdfighter or not is not the point. In this moment, what I imagine I would want from a best friend is this: someone who challenges me, someone I could think with, about new and old ideas. This someone, you, I would hope would know how to dream, but live in reality at the same time.

Please don't take me too seriously; the serious torture me. Let's commit to continually learning together, oh, and having responsible fun. ;) I love you, and I hope to meet you one day.

I hope that if I should ever meet you, that you wouldn't have already fallen in love with another girl, because should I meet you, I would hope to share my whole life with you.

Oh, where are you? I just want to talk to you. Have a conversation. I'd like to be with you, but if I could just wave at you from a distance - I'd be fine with that. I can wait; I just want to know that this hope that I'm holding will come to its fruition.

Thanks for listening,

_________[I sign my name]

P.S. Do you like my cursive? Sorry if it's a mess, I'm trying to work on it.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Lose-lose

So I haven't read or written nearly enough of anything lately. I have more developed something of an addiction, or a bad habit: Youtube. It, itself is not bad. But I've become a bit obsessive over it. And I don't even make videos! Well, I'm starting to try, since I do have the tools. I think mostly I'm just going to make video responses. I mean, it's the natural way to go when I'm already subscribed to so many people.

Now I'm contemplating making a video in response to Dan Brown's (pogobat) video Tea Time. If you haven't seen it, look it up and give me an opinion. But basically this is it, he says that he's had an experience with the flying spaghetti monster, and that the FSM told him that Sarah Palin was the FSM incarnate. And rather than encouraging discussion at the end, he encourages making giving praise to Palin as a video response, even though he voted for Obama.

So at first the whole thing seems very satirical. But then I watched, his recorded live thing afterward, and when people specifically ask him if he's doing some social test or something, he says no. Furthermore, he says in his Tea Time video that he's not putting up ads with it to show how serious he is. That could either go two ways: either he's only do that to prove something that he doesn't believe, or he actually means it. If the first is the truth, and if he knows anything he would know that that would be a one shot deal. If he admits to only being satirical as oppose to serious, he would never be able to use no-ads as a means of proving his validity or earnestness in the future. And I think that, because he's not totally dumb, this might be evidence that he is being serious. Also, in the entire 70 minutes of his live show he never once was inconsistent with the Tea Time video.

If he is honestly serious about this flying monster story he's got going, it's simply utter ridiculousness, which is a huge disappointment for me coming from him. If it's satirical, he's set himself up for a lose-lose situation, because the whole video would be highly offensive, and so I don't know.

basschic40 is my user. I suck at vlogging but if you wanna look out for a response to this or other future responses to other users, I'm just letting you know how you can follow up with that.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Signature in the Cell: Ch1 Synopsis. (plus drive test results)

So I failed my G2 test today. For the third time. Anyone have a better record?

Not gonna lie, I cried a bit because when you fail three times, what can you do to help feeling like a failure? Hmm? What I hate the most is that this time, I did everything perfectly except for one lane change that wasn't even that bad. Grrr! Now I know what Thaddeus Johnson felt like from from this season of AI. (He did nothing wrong but there were too many talented people and they didn't pick him.)

Quickly now, since I have to be at work for 8 tomorrow, and it's like half past ten, or rather two thirds....

For anyone still interested in the science discussion, I bought the book Signature in the Cell: DNA and the evidence for Intelligent Design by Stephen C. Meyer. It arrived today, and I'd like to give my synopsis of the first chapter. (Also, I did get the other two books I said I wanted to get, but I haven't got to them yet obviously)

The first chapter is titled DNA, Darwin, and the Appearance of Design.

Meyer doesn't really make any statements, or rather give any evidence or go into any depth just yet, but hey, it's only the intro. The majority of the first chapter is spent describing how he became involved in origin sciences, and the question of the origin of life.

Briefly, he describes how in the DNA there's all kinds of genetic codes that the entire cell depends on for different functions and proteins and so on, and its vast similarities with computer codes and written languages. The DNA has specified information.

He goes over the differences between information and matter & energy, how they are in two different domains of science. With that point he gives the example of how two different CDs can have all the same matter/energy, but the arrangement of the different information is why people choose to buy certain discs over others. Something along those lines.

Meyer also mentions that some have proposed, and this is the argument he agrees with, that because of this specified information there may be a case to made for an intelligence having provided this information, since we only know information to come from intelligence and since information can also be equated to thought.

Then he mentions how Richard Dawkins and others make the case that yes, everything does appear designed therefor it might be likely to assume that there is a designer, but this appearance of design can be explained by natural processes and evolution, for which Meyer then gives a brief explanation.

Through out all these details Meyer is also telling how he got into this field of science. One scientist he was able to have many discussions with was Charles Thaxton, who was one of the people he had first heard propose an intelligent designer at some conference in 1985.

From those discussions, Thaxton shared that a proposal for a designer would fall under origin sciences, which often have unique events, only occurring once or perhaps at least very few times. He then compared this to operation sciences, which are testable and happen all the time. Operation sciences are the sciences from which laws are derived; they are also the sciences that give predictions, etc. etc.

Meyer did not, not yet - with in this first chapter, say what he agreed with what Thaxton had taught him as far as Intelligent Design as an or the origin/operation sciences.

Rather, he ends the chapter with the questions he had after having had his discussions with Thaxton: "Is it scientific?" "How strong is the evidence for it?" "Was life designed or does it merely appear designed?"

And the final paragraph reads, "Yet in all of this discussion - from Dover to Dawkins to Darwin's big anniversary - there has been very little discussion of DNA. And yet for me and many other scientists and scholars, the question of whether science has refuted the design argument or resuscitated it depends critically upon the central mystery of the origin of biological information. This book examines the many successive attempts that have been to resolve this enigma - the DNA enigma - and will itself propose a solution."

So nothing new really, for anyone interested in the discussion, just a long wordy introduction and the story of how he first got into it.

If you'd like to read the prologue, I believe it was Amazon where I read the whole the thing before I actually got the book. Nothing significant though. I don't know whether it'll be a chapter everyday that I'll be reading (it's a lot), but I would like to continue with writing synopses, if only to help me take it all in.

Grace & peace, ggirl

Friday, April 9, 2010

Oh for someone to understand me....

I still desperately long for a best friend. I can only wait to see if God's made someone who thinks and sees as I do. But better. A better balance. I'll wait.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Animation eats ID? Or vice versa?

OK! Forget everything I said in the last post entirely. I mean, y'know, I just don't altogether care for it.

Now I have a question. It not a question for just anyone, no, it's specifically for you.

It's pretty simple:


Would you rather give all of your cognitive, reasoning, intellectual thoughts to the thing that consumes your mind, or would you rather give all your energy into developing what is creative?

And tell me why.

Obviously, there's something behind the question. The title gives a hint to that, but I'm interested to hear what you would say.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Poetry? Rap? Spoken Word? Anything?

Wow, that last post accumulated a slight bit of attention. I hope the discussion continues on for now. I didn't really know what to expect. Maybe when I look at little more into the subject, delve into the books I'm looking to read, I'll create a separate blog to post my synopses. That could be interesting, and possibly beneficial.

[Note: The books I'm talking about is The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin, The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, and Signature in the Cell by Stephen C. Meyer. You can guess the topic based on the titles.]

Now, something different for the moment. I love poetry. I am not a poet myself, but I can really appreciate good poetry when I hear it. So have you heard any good poetry lately? Anything?

Let me know. Seriously. Get back to me on this one.

Oh and ... no maybe I'll ask that later.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Anyone interested in evolution?

Anyone interested in evolution? Any experts out there?

I'm a creationist, a firm adherent of ID aka Intelligent Design and I personally know the Bible to be 100% true. Every word.

If you are an evolutionist, a naturalist, whatever you may call yourself - I won't bash you. Honestly. I don't know enough to do that.

If it came to a debate, I would lose because I am not yet educated enough to do that, to make any kind of adequate response. Also, winning a debate doesn't make you wrong or right, it only makes the winner feel good about themselves. Either evolution or ID, is right, it's one or the other, they both can't be true. And whichever one is true (I would say ID), is not determined by the results. Hopefully, this is something we can both agree on. So, I'm not even looking to that kind of thing.

I'm looking to broaden my understanding of both sides. If you are perhaps someone who knows more than your average youtuber who thinks they do, if you're interested in some open discussion, I'd invite you to leave a comment. Maybe we can both benefit from this?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

So kind of...

I kind of found someone I kind of like on eHarmony. Not the first guy from a couple posts ago, but a different guy. It kind of doesn't mean all that much to me right now, but I kind of like what I see. He's just kind of like me from what I know.

I don't know. *shrugs shoulders casually* We'll see where this goes. We're just emailing right now that's all. Just talking about Jesus and CS Lewis and stuff.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

This Little Prism...

Sometimes I feel things, and as a response to these feeling an image comes to mind. Typically, in the past, when these images come to mind, I would try to draw them. That option is still valid; God had indeed given me some artistic abilities. More recently, however, I'm finding it easier to describe these things with words more than anything else.

So bear with me, I'd like to share this one with you.

Whole. Completeness. Authenticity. Should discussion on such topics arise, the probable result as a consensus would be that these are regarded as valued characteristics. There are some who will strongly advocate for these things and attribute them to who they are as people.

I would propose, that if it were possible to study the correlation between the thoughts of such people with their spoken words, a striking discrepancy would become very clear. In fact, every related antonym to the idea would likely hold dominance in actuality.

All this to say that I do not think of myself as the exception. If you're reading this, then you're obviously on my blog, and through that have a perception of who I am. I don't know what that is, and depending on who you are, how long you've been reading my posts, interacting with me, etc, etc - obviously this will cause a variance in your perception from the next person's.

Truth is truth, however, and whatever you're perception - it really doesn't matter when it comes to truth, because truth is true, and that's the way it works. I would like to think, and I hope, that if you're reading this maybe you have a clearer view into the way my mind works as oppose the everyday people I interact with every. day. By that I mean, that I hope you can see through me a little better, that you can see that when I say that I broken and not all together - I mean it.

I haven't even given you a glimpse of this image I have yet, but it starts with the truth that I am a project continually in the works, being restored by Jesus Christ to what I am meant to be. So if I appear broken at times, it's the truth. And the times when I seem whole, it's only by grace.

In my everyday life, however, I don't really think people see this brokenness. Perhaps its a shame, I don't know, but in general I'm probably seen as put-together, maybe never been hurt, doesn't really know pain or sorrow, stuff like that. Some of that may be true.

Here's the image. The sketch I have in my mind: imagine some big [mostly] empty space. Then there's me floating somewhere in the midst of it all, a smallish type prism shape. Maybe like a crystal or something, but somewhat shattered in shards. Some shards are bigger than others, some are smaller, but more or less this prism shape is there.

If you're looking at me from my angle and think I'm whole, don't fool yourself, you're just looking at a big shard. And this little prism doesn't exactly have control over where it's going, yet it keeps going. Its splintered form inspires a sort of fear. The fear is this, 'If I keep going, which I continue to do with no control, sooner or later, I'm gonna have to hit something'. If and when this little prism hits whatever it is that it's going to hit, helplessly, the smaller shards will be revealed.

Knowing that the time will come is bittersweet. I don't know what to expect in the vulnerability of it all. Exposed, not that I prefer to be hidden. It's like my greatest longing and fear all in the same breath and moment. Then what? I can't say.

I think I said I was the prism when I first started to described the scenario. More accurately, I think it would probably symbolize my image, as this is only my portrayal and not true identity. A tainted container, housing but one lonely person.

That's as far as the image goes. Not that I don't have Jesus. He is the great companion, and most definitely not the cause of any loneliness I may feel. Not that I'm a hermit or don't spend time with anyone. Rather that I don't let anyone in.

Honestly, the people who know of my blog are just about the only people who get this kind of access. I am not okay with this, but for the moment this is it. This is a very special place where I can write and say whatever I want or need. So thank you for letting me share this with you.

K, that's it for now I guess.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Dad.

My Dad, my Dad, my Dad, my Dad. I love him. Possibly the greatest gift I've ever received in this earthly lifetime. Aside from Jesus. And the greatest gift to the both of us, is probably my Mom.

I love him so incredibly I don't know how I could love him more. I don't know what to say. Our motorbike rides together are amazing. Spring is good in that regard. He has such wisdom, and I can see myself in him. I enjoy his company. It's lovely. I love to hug and kiss him (on the cheek). He's fantastic, for me at least, really.

Tell me about your dads, I hope you have as great of dads as I have for myself.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Okay.... what do I do?

So I signed up for eHarmony last night. I'm of age; I know how to be safe. I figured, what's the worst that could happen?

Well, I don't have a credit card so I can't pay for a subscription just yet, which means that I can review my matches but I can't communicate with them. But now someone has questions for me, and I want to answer. Also, there's a different person, I'd like to send some questions. But the other guy will be waiting for a response. Oh boyy... What have I got myself into? *shakes head*

When my dad gets home I'll ask him if I can use his. I know I can pay him back, I just don't know if he'd approve.

On the site that I doing my banking with, I don't see any reason why I couldn't have my own, but I don't think I make enough money yet annually to do that. Or something like that.

But I don't know what to do!! I really hope my dad says yes. Any thoughts??

Today's alright, you?

I don't like to live by feelings, but today feels good. It's iight, yknow? I feel like that I might survive today, and it's a good thing.

Please keep be praying for me; I still have a lot of growing, changing, and molding to do, and any support you might be able to give in this area is appreciated. It's slow, but by the grace of God it's happening. Praise Jesus!


Oh, and I'm guessing no one noticed, but I recently add the followers thing at the side, because for some reason my blog's getting some attention from - I don't know where, and some of them have decided to follow. Makes no sense to me, but I'm ok with it.

Today, when I logged on I noticed that there was one new follower, and so I clicked on it. I was saddened to see that it was a girl's porn blog. I am strongly against porn, and am looking to the day when it might end. So it is blocked now because I will not have a porn blog linked to mine, but I did send her a message telling her about the pink cross foundation. Please, be both praying for her and the foundation.

Thanks.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

More Work Done, More to Do

So today, I wasn't scheduled to work and had the day at home to myself. It was so nice!

I spent some time outlining the basics of the living-in-this-world plan: my bedroom, reading the Word, prayer, friends, work, my body, and money. If you want to know more, just ask. Really. I'm just tired and don't care much for the details right now.

I've put some work into my room, getting it organized, still more to do. I started reading a book called Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy.

And I was wondering, anyone know a good Bible reading plan? I need one.

Lots of work yet to be done, I assure you. If anyone wants to do me a favour, just drop me a line sometime and czech up on how I'm doing.

Peace out.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Faceless.

I started this blog in October of 2007. Since then, I have never had a profile picture. (I have shown pictures of myself, but never a profile picture.) So should I bother to upload one now? Or do you prefer that I remain faceless?

I might disagree with your opinion, whatever is. But either, just remember that the meat is in the written content.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Something Hard

I think I'll be starting something. I think I've decided to call it The Living-in-this-World Plan. I'm not exactly sure what it'll look like or be exactly. But basically, well here's what I've written so far in the blank book I bought today:

THE LIVING-IN-THIS-WORLD PLAN

I won't intentionally take over the world.
Maybe I'll be given the chance to help change it.
Bit I definitely need some strategy to live in it.
So I present this fresh work in progress:
The Living-in-this-World Plan.

Purpose: Time is infinitely valuable and if you don't use it - you lose it. The next 18 months will be a special time of waiting and preparing. Time cannot be wasted. In this interval, I need to have a drive, focus, goals and plans. Most importantly, I need to keep the Main Thing, the main thing.

____

So that's all I have so far, but basically, I'm an adult. Not a kid anymore. I want to be taking on more adult responsibilities and manage better the ones I already have. I want to be a better help to my parents. I want to have a plan with where I'm going with my daily devos. What am I studying? I want to be looking for news ways for which I can be relating to the world. I want to be aware in that. I want to try new things. Hopefully, I'll enjoy them. If not, new things still need to be done so that I might be stretched. I need to have a schedule to for preparing to go to college. I've seriously considered graphic design. Now, I'm thinking I might also look at applying to animation programs as well, and if there's such a thing specifically as a program, perhaps video communications. I'm not exactly sure but it's all with in the same neighbourhood. That all absolutely has to be on track, otherwise, the eighteen months maybe become much more, which would undermine this whole project.

In sum, it's going to mean doing all the small hard things. Hard things need to be done. It's the difference that separates an adult from a child and there really should be no in-between. Once I get in the habit of doing the small hard things, the big things will come next.

Everything needs to be more clearly defined. I'd to get that done by tomorrow - the latest Thursday. I also need accountability. If you could pray that someone in my life could help hold me to this, you know I'll love you. I already do but, just sayin'. I've got work ahead of me, and I'm looking forward to it because I know it's the best thing for me.

Peace out, til the next post.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Youtube? What is that?!

So, how are things.


So when I'm bored I often find myself on the computer. The Internet. Sometimes eBay. Sometimes, on rare occasions, Facebook. Sometimes Neopets, perhaps? I do some Skyping a bit. I dunno.

And obviously, I blog. Now if you're reading this you know what that's all about and that I'm quite into it. I've got this regular thing going on where every once and a while I'll type something and a blurb pops up of varying degrees of value.

My question then is, do any of you take an interest in vlogging? Hmm? Vlogs. Like doing what I'm doing now, but instead I would film myself talking to a camera about whatever. It's more open. Sometimes "communities" can form, I've heard. (As can happen with regular blogging, like I've experienced.)

One of my favourites is Strawburry17, along with the other VlogCandy members, though I'm not a huge fan of VlogCandy itself.

A year or two ago, I watched a video on how to solve a Rubik's cube by Pogobat a.k.a. Dan Brown. I can solve one now, but have recently revisited his videos. I like them, they're more focused than those of other channels. You'd have to see them to know what I mean but I like them.

There seems to be a few elite on Youtube who manage to create videos and attract a following. I suppose in that sense that would make a follower. I hate that, but if that's how it is, then that's how it is.

For my last birthday, my eighteenth, I asked for a video camera. Honestly, I haven't really utilized it yet. But I would still like too. Plus, I got a tripod for Christmas, so I better get to it sometime. (Heheh, just like that skateboard I got for my fifteenth.... I use that sometimesss).

But here's what I'm trying to say. The Internet is probably, definitely actually, the most prominent, characterizing, defining thing of this age. I'm sure it's influence must be exponential, growing everyday, and I want to be a part of that. Add something. Youtube is huge, and for anyone who has something to say, I think there's a place. So if there's one for me, I'd like to find it. That is if I can bring something original. Maybe.

I think that leaves me with a camera and a fantasy... Tools I'm untrained with. Yet to be discovered and learned. For another day, hopefully not too far off.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

hmmph... can you relate to any of this?

Well, I didn't post anything this Sunday. So I suppose I'll write something now.

Really, my life is fairly boring most of the time. What to write...

Do you know that there's a girl in my mind that I imagine I might like being? That is if I were someone different from myself. A very nerdy, simple girl. I imagine her spending lots of time in the library just learning. Someone who likes to write. Like - a lot. More than I ever have, and she dreams of writing a book to which I could relate. A regular person, as far as I am regular. Maybe someone like me would be a main character. And in those pages, my mind and thoughts might be more beautifully verbalized and explained. Almost poetry, but not quite leaving the realm of prose. Perhaps if such a book were written, an understanding of the usual could be revealed through the things unsaid. The day to day happenings might let what is raw be seen.

The cover would be very plain, just the title on the side. Nothing to attract you to it. Yet, if someone should find it, a treasure would lie inside, waiting to be found.

(Yuck, I'd hate to think I just made a metaphor for myself.)

Simply put, I like the idea of being a big reader. But I have yet to find a book to which I can relate. To a certain extent, I can't help but think that whether fiction or not, it would be a waste of time to read and not have your thinking changed in some way.

I'm hooked on reality. I'm hooked on soberly building relationships and getting to know someone's 'character', if you will. Yet, there's still a longing to escape because the people in my life seem to just remain faces, rather than thinking persons with their own history, directions and passions. And once again, I'll come to the place where I can say I'm stuck. So that's all the conclusion you get out of me for now. I'm stuck and I have nothing else to add to that. Lest I should say something after this....

Nope. Well, actually I'll leave you with this: I'm stuck but I still hope.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sundays bother me.

Maybe I'm a allergic to Sundays. But here's the weekly thing that I write up that will get me mostly likely nowhere.

I see inconsistencies. Gaps that bother me. I can't escape them. I can't leave them. Maybe they can be fixed. Changed. Maybe I can have a small influence in that direction. Though I don't know what that means in any entirety. I'm uncomfortable with how things are. Yet I'm thankful because I'd rather struggle every single week than choose the bliss ignorance gives.

I'm in a place of molding. And I hope we all are. I hope we can all have a little humility. (sigh) I'm so broken. I do know what to do with what I see, but the sight is yet to change. O how I long. Yearning but just... nothing. Tears, hidden. I feel so pseudo-real in this longing for this authenticity.

I struggle because I know Truth, and I'm challenged. It challenges me. I'm faced with this insurmountable challenge that I can't deal with on my own. But I can't let it be the death of me. Never. Because it's Truth, and my life clings to it. I want to live and see something great, see joy overflowing.

So for now I'll count the little things as grace, because that's exactly what they are. One more breath. One more happening to give hope. Hoping. A risk of it's own.

God, give me the grace to have faith and to move. Words to speak, and a time to speak them. People with whom I can speak and trust. Someone who shares this vision. Peace, never to excuse apathy, but know that You're timing is good and perfect. Help me to learn to wait on You, and to know You. Thank You.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I wish people could see...

I'm just so sick of waiting. And no, this isn't Valentine related even though it's the 14th. I'm not talking about the boys. Whether they ever come or not, at this time, I really could care less.

I'm thinking of the same thing I always thinking about. I'm sick of waiting for something to change because I feel like no progress is ever made. Every time something looks like it might hold possibility, I hope. My heart hopes and longs, and then gets let down. The waiting is very, very hard, and the worst thing is that I have no idea whether waiting is even what I'm supposed to be doing or if there's something I could be doing or saying or being that would better help.

Oh well, something to pray about I guess. I'm just so sick of waiting.

Friday, February 5, 2010

ummmm bball girl visit. conflict.

If you can recall, because I can't exactly, I some post some time ago about me not understanding some girl at a gym night... one of those who girls who you just don't really click with but kind of always around in your network of friends type of deal. I forget what it was called my apologize. I think the tone of it was in frustration, though the goal was to sound anything but.

Anyways, I don't know the details but sometime recently, she's very in to sports, she was playing a basketball game and one of the girls on the other team did some cheap shot move to get her out of the game, which actually took her out for the rest of the season. Whatever it was that happened, she had sergury on her right knee just shortly, maybe a week ago or a little longer.

So I didn't know how it would turn out, because I don't think she really likes me, but I went to her house to visit her. Brought her a balloon saying get well. And we talked for a little while and stuff, just me and her. Her and I. Whatever.

What gets me though, is that she talked to me then like I have never heard her talk with me before. Like it was a super nice little visit. And I like to revisit because she won't be doing much for the next three or four months. I just don't get it though. Really just don't understand how it all works. How she can be one way when different people are around and act so then kindly when it's just us, so that I'm left with these two conflicting images of her in my mind. Not that she's unkind in any situation but rather just distanced in the one. I feel like they both can't be true but I don't know what to make of it. Maybe from her perspective I'm just the same.

A revisit is definitely in order though. Maybe I'll bake something for the second visit. Either way, I love her. It's just one of those things. She's a sister in Christ, and I just can't help myself. I'd so love to know her better...

And tonight I heard Lady Gaga's song Bad Romance. I've heard it before but I had a better chance to listen to the words tonight. I've gotta admit the tunes a little catchy but I'm really unimpressed with lyrics that went something like 'I want your ugly, I want your disease as long as it's free' Just no. I won't have it.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

working on a list.

Still to do

-perform a well thought out spoken word poem.

-get into the practice of videoing life

-make use of the gifts I've been given

-learn to do good cartwheels (or even semigood ones)

-visit at least five of the states, at once if possible

-live in the city for a year, or maybe just six months... we'll see

-support the pink cross foundation as in seriously join it or something


ok, so it's in progress, but I just wanted to get it started tonight.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

someone simply pleasant

this weekend was c&c snocamp weekend. very refreshing. like one new breath of good air.

now this weekend. at c&c. there was a band. a band i would say is too popular to be playing at a weekend thing like this was, but they were there. i won't tell you who they were. i'll keep that a secret for myself. i'll give you a hint though, they've been touring with the newsboys lately. maybe that gives you an idea of where they're going.

one very cool thing about them is that, i would say, they are very down to earth. yesterday when dinner was more or less coming to an end. i took my orange juice and went over to their table where they were sitting and got to hang out with them a bit.

they also had orange juice of their own. so i think of that time as having an orange juice with them. y'know, we were having an orange juice together, and then i spilt mine of course. how embarrassing. the bassist who i was sitting beside helped me clean it up. it was a little funny.

after that point, he and i talked for a while. it was so simple. he was just so good to talk with. it's not like we spoke as if we had always known each other but it was just good. so good. like he's the kind of guy i'd want to get to know and be best friends with. i heart him. i really, really liked him. i have no way of practically reaching him again now. unless i want to be a creeper and go to the their next concert.

and i could've had my picture taken with him yesterday. i didn't though because a lot of people were and i felt like it wouldn't be special in someway, plus i figured i could get one today. but things don't always work that way. it's like my biggest regret of the weekend now, but i suppose that's ok.

it's not even like anything of significance happened. it's just he made me smile. even when i think of him now. i don't know. i just know i wish someone like him could be a part of my life. *sigh* so i'll wait. at least he gives me hope. in some sweet, innocent kind of way. maybe even some naive way, i just love him. and i simply had to write something to that point here. sorry. <3 this makes me sound like i'm five. what can you do.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I just realized...

I just realized that this evening, when I came to post something new, I was really only going to end up posting something old. Anything I could write would only be reiterating my last post. But more strongly. I am hurting deeply; this heartache is paining me.

It's one of those Sunday things lately I guess. And I guess this really just means that things aren't well but I don't know what to do about it.

A little while ago, emailed my pastor saying something that had my last post at the heart of it, though it was less revealing of my thoughts. I haven't heard back from him yet. Basically, there is a deep lack of fellowship in my life right now and it's absolutely killing me.

But let's not be mistaken. God's grace is here, and I know it. I can see it even in the small things. Just like the way I was able to have a really good laugh this evening. Thank you.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I'm going to clean my room today.

I probably shouldn't be writing now as this computer is continually a distraction, and there are things that need to be done. However, this continues to be the place where I can leave my thoughts.

I've commented on this a little before, so I'll just say this that I guess I've just entered in to that stage of life when some of my peers are getting married. And it's a little weird, especially considering that I found out today that the guy I sort of liked half a year ago is now engaged. I'm actually really happy for him though because I'm sure she's absolutely a jewel.

Now, what's really on mind is the church. As it always, whether I feel like I've got my Christian walk on or off, as I suppose the alternative is. I just have this dream, this vision, of how wonderful things could be if we just lived as though we actually were one. Not that it would make life any less difficult. It seems like whenever I'm not doing well I never have anyone to share my difficulties with and it hurts.

A church should be less about the events and activities that it does and be more focused. We're supposed to live a life of worship to this God who authored the only true good news. That good news of Jesus Christ alive is the foundation for which we are to build our whole lives on, and out that should come this attractive lifestyle of love. It's supposed to be lived together but I'm just not seeing it. It's hurts that this isn't what I see but hope needs to be held out.

Right now, I feel very disconnected. It is a grace that I can count people in my mind who I can talk with about this. And even further a grace, that they would mostly likely understand what I'm trying to say.

Should anyone read this, doesn't matter when, who has a relationship with Jesus, please pray over this matter. Pray for local churches that are visible to their communities and who testify as a witnesses to the gospel. Pray that the church would be devoted to knowing God's Word and upholding it as truth because in it there is salvation. Pray that the church would continue to learn to love its members like Jesus loves his bride, and that through this many would come to know Jesus as Lord. Amen.

K, now I'll start simple by just getting in to the Word, cleaning my room and just maybe I'll snack on something in between. I'll try and post something if there's any news on this topic but that's it for now. Peace.