Something of an update.

Sup my friends!? How are you all doing lately?

So check it out. I have been up to pretty much nothing lately. Let's see I've been doing some art. I took a three hour nap today between 2 to 5. Um... I've been journaling more lately and it's quite different from blogging. For real. I'm hyper right now!!!

Oh. I picked up my driver's hand book today. Out my drawer that it's been sitting in for the past year... I'm such a slacker I don't even have my G1 right now when I could be driving independently with a G2 at the moment. It's so boring though.

You know what's a good song. Glass to the Arson by Anberlin. It's good at anytime of the day. Especially when it's 11:36 PM and you're hyper. Let's replay that now that it's done. The version I'm posting is the only version I've heard but I think that there is one with words.



I'll just grab my journal to see what else I've been up to. Lack of memory. Eyeball poke.

Here's summ.:

First entry: Titleless. Basically says that I love how free and innocent I am. Oh, and of course how great old people sex must be. You'd have to read it but I'm really serious. -_-

Second entry: Looking Forwards and Backwards. Basically a summary of the past year and how excited I am for this summer! (Written before my birthday)

3rd (I got lazy) entry: Seeing Matt. My mom's cousin Matt came over from Africa for a business trip and I journaled about seeing him and celebrating my birthday with that side of my family. He's a cool guy he showed me a picture of him sitting, arm around, a lion cub at a some kind of centre.

I made a special kind of calendar on the next page that I've only seen made by me. I made some big spelling mistakes that I din't bother fixing there because it would have looked bad. My thoughts: "So apparently 17 year olds don't know how to spell" because it was the day after. And I creatively used to rest of the page to play two games of connect 4 with my brother. And I won both.

Next page I made a to do list for my self and only did half the things on it.

4th (lazier): My Birthday (written on the 27th). About my birthday, obvously. In slightly more detail than I wrote here so I wouldn't forget them later.

5th: Shopping. Just a paragraph about how much I hate shopping. Swimsuit shopping is worse than bra shopping! (for you DF) And how I bought two DVDs: The Iron Giant directed by Brad Bird (my fav director) and Monsters, Inc. because I'm slowly collecting all the Pixar movies.

BTW: My brother took me to see Wall-E yesterday for my birthday and I really enjoyed it. It was cool. Ratatouille's still my favourite though.

6th (final so far): Blogging vs. Journaling. The title gives that away. That's all it was about.

------------

I've always been a journaler. More recently a blogger. Of my own life that is, I could never do it as a career or profession! I cleaned my room recently because it was quite necessary, and I found one of my old journals. I looked inside and was devasted to remember that I had previously ripped them all out. I didn't throw them out though and found them in another place. Still devasted.

Well there's my hello for today.

That Day, you know the one

Sorry I haven't posted anything of real content or value lately. I haven't been in the blogging mood lately. And I'm still not. But I thought I would let you in on a bit of what my birthday was like.

I was supposed to go to a meeting for Thunder Bay on the evening of my birthday. So on the 23rd my family celebrated my birthday with gifts and Delissio pizza, which is my favourite. Later that day, my dad took me on a motorbike ride. The ride was amazing, we rode along the lake until we stopped out of town. We stopped at Tim Horton's and talked for while about stuff over an ice cappuccino for me and black coffee for him.

On the actual day, the 24th, the plan was to hang out with my friend Hope, and we did, but first she took me down to the Christian book store to pick a devotional. I couldn't find one that I fell in love with so I didn't get one because I didn't want it to end up sitting on a shelf. Instead, she bought me a the Anberlin Lost Songs album, that I love.

I went with my mum and brother for the meeting in the evening for the meeting. The meeting was cancelled, and they're out of town, so that was annoying. But it wasn't all bad because while we were there they went into Dollarama while I stayed in the car. It gave me time to think about things, which I needed pretty badly.

At the very end of the day, I checked my Facebook account. It was basically flooded with happy birthday messages. I don't normally pay much attention to those types of things but a lot people rememebered my birthday, which was cool!

That's all,
ggirl.

FiNaLLy!

SO I'm done! DONE! Done school for this year. I could've finished better perhaps but I'm done and it's a good feeling.

Right now I'm gonna do some done things. Don't really know what that means I'll be doing it!

Don't even bother reading

I'm in a not good mood. Don't ask me what's wrong cause I don't wanna talk. Nothing's happened I've just been in a general bad life mood...

Boo....

I hate late exams. They're like a tease. A taste of summer only to be forced back in for major testing...

I just want to be journaling and drawing. That's really all there is to be said. Now I need to study Hamlet, Physics, and stupid Bio.

TAG!

Sam's got me tagged. So the rules are that I need to answer a few questions :).

The Rules (what the tagger and the taggee have to do:

Answer some questions from whoever tagged you

Link her to your blog (she's already there!! :D)

Tag some(:P) more people and comment on their blog to let them know!
Ok, the first question.

Who is your favorite author and why?

This would be easier just to answer favourite books. I don't have one specific fav. I like books by Francine River and Lemony Snicket. I like Rivers because they're just great books. They're fictional but they usually on based on some story in the Bible. Lemony Snicket because no one writes books like him. They can be odd sometimes but there's like a million mysteries through out his series that you're always trying to figure out.

Who was your first favorite author and why?

Lemony Snicket probably, see above.

Who is the most recent addition to your favorite authors and why?

Um, sorry guys I'm not much of a reader. Do bloggers count as authors? Because if they do then you're all under this question. Apparently I need to read the Do Hard Things by Brett and Alex Harris, you guys seem to like that one. Oh, and I like the book Dateable by Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco.

If someone asked you who your favorite authors were right now, which authors would pop out of your mouth?

God he wrote the best book!


So... I tag..
Casey
Paige
(I'm little short of six)

Get tagging!

Rock of Ages

I finished a drawing today. I might be giving it away but it says Rock of Ages. I chose that name of God because God is there at everytime in our lives and basically through all the different ages.

My brother's a cheerleader and he did a show today. Here's a picture of him trying to be cool. :) I love this kid!

Touch Me

I want to be hugged right now. Pretty badly. For a long time.

Quote This

I found a great quote yesterday from one of our own bloggers:

"Always remember your past because it provides great instruction for the future, but never go back to the past. You will never move forward if part of you still drifting backward"

Last Day of School

What bum... my friend didn't come to class today. Hardly anyone did. So it wasn't just her but I guess what that means for me is that I should be praying for her whenever I think of her. I know she's not over her cutting because I saw some new cuts yesterday near her hip which I think she meant to cover. That hurts me. When I talked with her that one Friday it seemed like she was blaming her depression on her body or just the way she is but I think that there's a whole lot left that she probably didn't want to talk about then. I wanted so badly just to tell her today that she's loved! Anyways, that's a disappointmeant...

I'm probably not going to get nearly the grades I hoped for because I've slacked off. I know I could do better but there's no motivation there. And I'm not a keener, this whole school system wasn't build for me. I'd rather hands on stuff. I don't even really care anymore I just want school to be done!

Yeah, I'm not really in that great a mood right now. I was talking with another one of my friends today and something she was really excited about and looking forward to for next year is cancelled or at least for her. She didn't really want to talk about it so I don't know the details.

On the upside I found some spare sharpie markers in my media arts class and my teacher let me have one. And I finished my claymation yesterday. The sound could have been much better but it turned out alright. And my media arts teacher (his name's James Ruddle, we call him Ruddle), so Ruddle cancelled a while back the exam we were supposed to have so I didn't have to do that today and those who came got to chill and I did some art. I'm gonna hopefully post some of my new stuff here (sometime). (sigh)

So here's the claymation. Enjoy!

Ahh!!

My Sharpie marker ran out of ink and I can't draw!

Oh, and if you read this any time between now and 3:05 (EST -0500, do the math), pray for me especially hard because it may be the last real chance I have to talk with my media arts friend about Jesus! :)

Thanks a mil!

PS just pray. The prayer is more important than the time!

Back to the Filipinos and a Garage Sale

So last night I went with my dad down to his youth group. As a recap, he's the pastor of a Filipino church in the Toronto area region. It's some distance away from where I live and when I used to go to that church it killed me that I couldn't see the people there more often and be involved in the things they did. So eventually I came back to the local church where I went before the pkship started.

I go back every so often because I need to see people and plus a lot of them supported me with my missions trip. It's truly not a thing I enjoy doing though. I've lost connection with most of the people, really all of them.

Nothing happened that I didn't expect to happened. I felt somewhat to myself. I only really talked to two people one of them is the youth leader of the preteens and the other I've never known more than a "Hey! How are you?". I didn't even remember her name. I later tried to secretly ask my dad what her name was.

Sometimes I feel like I'm expected to know everyone's names because everyone knows my name. Of course they know my name. I'm like that long lost, unseen daughter of his. I'm sort of legendary in a sense I guess. But I'd rather not be. I'd rather be one or the other, there or not there.

And I suck at bowling! My dad's good at it but none of that rubbed off on me.

When we were leaving God blew my mind away with a light show aka a thunder storm. So cool! I hate raining days, and thunderstorms are annoying when they don't stop like they have been but when God puts one in your face and your outside to enjoy it, they are really awesome!

It was pouring like I've never seen pour but I stayed dry underneath a covering. The lightning's cool but what I really loved most was the thunder! I don't know why, the bigger the better. My younger brother who's 11 jumped at couple of them but I just smiled. And you should have seen the kind that get plastered across my face. I definitely got thrilled. No one else can put on a show like that!

Today I slept in, I hate sleeping in. There was a misunderstanding between my mom and I. I thought that she knew I was planning on going to the church garage sale that was a fund raiser for the PNG trip. Apparently not and so I went late. I brought along all the change I collect off the ground. Which was about 5 bucks saved up.

I bought a few good finds: a pair of swim shorts probably 50 bucksish in store for only 3, the movie signs on VHS, a Stacie Orrico CD for my sister because her's is scratched.

I can't help remember last year's garage sale for my trip. So much fun, pretty much a blast! The car wash, and chillin out at the clothes station, trying them all on with my friends Natalie and Morgan. Morgan's good at selling stuff, she's a very influential person! I like remembering things, OK?

Anyways, this thing has turned into a massive pile of words so I'll end it here. Plus I have to clean my room. Talk with you ladies later, ggirl.

One in a Million?

I don't know what the chances of getting hit by lightning are but my house got hit today. The power was out for a while and we're gonna need a new microwave but other than that everything's fine. My mom is sad about the microwave. I am too.

K well I got to go eat and leave cause I'm going bowling with my dad's group tonight.

Prince Caspian and Africa Memories

I saw Prince Caspian tonight. I finished reading the book before it. My personal opinion is that it was a good movie. However, compared to the book they rearranged a lot of the events. The two things that I didn't like the most was when the horn was blown which was way off and resulted in things happening differently and the other thing is an important conversation that Lucy has with Aslan is made into a dream and looses the effect and message the book gives it. Other than that great movie. The action was great and there were a lot of things that were taken straight from the book that I enjoyed: some of the lines, the bear sucking on his paw, the mice. And the action was great.

My church had rented a theater room for the night watched this movie and the veggie tale pirate movie as a fundraiser for a missions team we're sending out to Papua New Guinea. They raised over 6000 dollars and that's awesome.

Before the movie had started the we showed a some video clips of the previous trips my church has sent out. The showed some from my Malawi trip and honestly never has that place felt so far from me.

The more I try to remember all the memories and details the more that's all they're becoming. I think I revisit somethings more than others and I think that I've forgotten how certain people's personalities added to the experience without realizing it.

Eventually all I'll have is my journals and the video I got when I came back. The thing is there was so much more to the trip than what was captured on film. And although I journaled daily, I didn't write they way I do now.

I used to just write mostly what happened rather than what I was feeling and even then I wasn't always 100% honest with myself either because I was worried about how I would return to them or because I didn't want, in my frustration, write something I didn't mean against someone.

But then a lot of those things never got vented. It might have been a much sadder journal if I had and I might have started to focus a lot more on the things that weren't as important as Jesus. Still I was distracted.

The experience is fading and it makes me sad. It's not as real anymore. The scents, the people, the jokes... it's forcing me to move on but that's not really new because I've been moving on since I've been back. I want to hang on to it all and forget it at the same time. I have a paradox for a dilemma...

I'm so tired right now I need to get to bed. Good night.

Are you on fire? Or what then?

Still not caught up on my devos which is key to this blog. Tonight was the last meeting before my trip up to ThunderBay. (FYI the dates for that is July 5 - 12. That would be just as a heads up - I won't be on that week but I'll be journaling and I'll post it all up at a later time).

So anyways, these people are amazing! I love them all. These are the people who are really on fire for Jesus. We don't or at least try hard not to act apart from God. They are the kind of people I want to become more and more like - and then more.

Yeah, so I'm behind in my devos, which automatically makes my relationship with Jesus weakened and strained. But even so (and I will get back on track because when I'm not on track with Jesus it feels like my whole life is off track), the night was still so good.

I cannot spend time around these people without getting excited for the things that God is doing. I never get bored when I'm with them. You might say well there always there those days that don't go that way (granted, they come but they're really rare when I'm with these guys). There is never a time when we can't praise God for the things he's doing because he's always working in ways we don't see even when we don't know it.

That just made me think of our hearts - they just keep beating. We don't tell them continuously to beat, we'd die if that were the case. They do it anyways even when we sleep. God is always at work (and he never malfunctions either, unlike our feeble hearts).

There is never a time when God's promises aren't true. We can always have a hope in Jesus and his word. And he always has plans for us. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

eARLY mORNING tHOUGHTS

So presently (I'm using that word because I'm thinking of the book Prince Caspian and how he uses that word at least every other page). So presently I've been caught doing a project last minute again. Actually I haven't been caught at all, I'm turning myself into the Internet. It's not too late yet but it's definitely not early in the evening anymore and like usual I have no desire to do this. As for the time you'd never know based on the clock system here because it's only rarely right.

I'm only here to say that if I had to stay up all night the one thing I'd love to do is go outside and enjoy the night. Maybe one summer night I should grab the bug spray, extra batteries for a flash light and spend the night with God in my kiddie playground treehouse. I'll bring music too, headphones so I don't wake the neighbours. And a sketchbook too - the night goes on for a while.

For an update, I'm nearly caught up on devos.

By the way, how are you guys doing? I haven't heard from you people in forever! (espescially Sam... miss you)

yggiC

God please teach me responsibility this summer.

...

For the moment I'm just waiting. That's all. Yep.

Getting Through Boredom...

Life sucks right now for me, it seems like it's so incredibly boring. I'm just gonna drag through the next two weeks and get all of school and exams done. Then I'll leave town for Thunder Bay.

Seriously nothing's happening more than a plain schedule can hold. Small group ended this past Thursday. That was alright though, we went to Tim Horton's and mostly just talked. My Monday night group thing ended a couple of weeks ago and on top of that these past couple days I've been feeling a withdrawal from posting new things. I spend too much time on pointless things like guitar hero, and the wrost thing is I'm behind on my devos, which is definitely the worst of it even though it doesn't like any one thing is making me feel this way.

For a day or two I'd like to shut the world off and put myself in a small comfortable corner so I can be by myself and read Prince Caspian before I see it this Wednesday(?).

I'll be alright, I just need some more time,

ggirl

Sleeping up?

So this is kinda cool. Last night I went upstairs in my blanket to get my pencil case so I could draw before going to bed. It was thundering outside previously and when I looked out the window everything looked really cool and I was drawn to it. I sat down on the small couch, the two person couch aka the love seat, that was right by it. I was really enjoying myself and spending time with Jesus. It was so nice and the way the blinds' shadows looked on the ceiling because of the night light was really beautiful. I had every intension of going back down stairs but I fell asleep. I even thought while I was still awake that I might fall asleep, but I was like nawww... that would never happen. My mom found me there in my blanket at like 7 and asked me what I was doing. But it was sooo nice!

birthday beep. honk for a prayer.

Ok, so I miss hearing real comments from you guys but whatever...

*sigh* My birthday's coming up and I have nothing special in mind. I wish I did. It feels like it's just going to be another day. I'm sure when the time comes I'll be excited and expect everyone to remember it, but really it's an exam day. That really sucks. So I'm hoping I won't have one that day and have it off. I don't know, usually around this time I'm more excited. There's nothing I'm even asking for like I usually do want something. I told my mom today that I just want some peanut butter, it's good stuff.

What's even happened in a year? I went to Africa with mixed memories of it. I have had really great moments with my friend Morgan and then letting go of her to become just another friend even though I still pray for her daily has been hard. It has however made me thankful for every moment I've spent with her since. I've had good days and bad days and probably grown some in my relationship with Jesus this year too. Actually I have for sure. In a very small nutshell that's what's happened since my last birthday.

Where am I going? I have no idea what I want to do after high school. Most likely I'll a take a year off to chill, think, and work. The truth is I guessed at what courses I want to take for next year and I could probably replace most of them with other courses I might find interesting. I'm just riding through aimlessly.

God things excite me. Thinking about how I might be going on this canoe trip is weird. My grade will be the oldest there for the first time. That's really different. It means that Morgan won't be there, or any of my friends who have just been off at university for their first year. I'm going into grade 12 and that's where the line was drawn because too many C&C people who are several years too old just keep hanging around and they needed to be distinguished as their own group by having a separate canoe trip.

On the other hand, and it's weird both ways for me, is that kids who are in grade 8 right now will be coming on the trip because they're going into high school. So they seem really young to me, a whole three years! No but you guys, everyone who reads this is older than me. Thanks for taking the time for me even though I'm a youngling and all. I was thinking about this today and the thought of being a leader in the youth, meaning almost definitely for these future niners, excited me. Hopefully they'll think of me as cool and I'll have the chance to be a good role model too.

I'd like to see things happen with my small group, for it to thrive again and for people to be excited about it. I'd like to see more of an outreach happening in my school through the youth. Something for the people who are broken who need Jesus, so they can have a place to go or for anyone who's interested in even knowing more. I'd like to see more people using their God-given gifts to serve him. For the church to be a better community, to be there for one another. For us to be accountable with one another so we can know where everyone's at. For the small groups to be more connected instead of them each doing their own things, so we can at least be praying for one another.

Can God do all those things through me? In one year? Or at least have a start on those things? Are there other people who want the same thing as me? Will they support me? Could this be more of a long term thing? Is ministry the call on my life? What about the other passions God's given me? Things for art, and thinking like math, how can they be used? Am I disillusioned? Or am I on track?

Please keep praying for whether or not the canoe trip thing should happen for me. I think that the leadership for the next year will be firmly established through...

Whoa, I think I may possibly have just got something from God this very moment. I don't know where it is in the Bible but I just thought of the story where Jesus is like telling some guy to follow him and he's just like let me wait 'til my father's funeral. Which really meant let me wait until my dad dies so I can bury him and then I'll do whatever you tell me. But Jesus is all about it and wants him to follow him then and there, devoted. So now, for me it's like I might be giving up the chance to have a big influence this next year through leadership by skipping out on a canoe trip for relatives that I've only met a couple times.

Granted, it may be the last time I ever see them again, at least until Heaven, and they are traveling a great distance from Zimbabwe. But now I'm almost seeing it like in chess, giving up your queen for a mere pawn. Maybe that pawn has something on me, but it would never be worth giving up the most powerful piece in the game: the queen.

So yes, keep praying, what I just mentioned is another great reason in support of me going, but there's no such thing as to much prayer. And I'd love to be certain of my choice when I make it. So if God gives you a word, make sure you drop it by and let me know.

So this blog that was originally going to be a moan about how I have no idea what my birthday will be, has now been turned into a prayer request about something that's very close to my heart. God has a funny way of doing things.

Love you all,

Steph

This past weekend

Nothing exciting happened this past weekend. I went to a surprise party on Friday and had fun. My aunt and uncle and my cousins came over randomly on Saturday and ended up staying for my brother's 11th birthday party. They picked the right day. He got guitar hero 3. Then I went to youth and was almost literally the only girl there. We played some hockey and I got a scratch on the back of my leg. Yup that's basically it.

By the way, it wasn't ice hockey... it's too warm for that.

I missed some stuff that might make it more interesting. I've been doing a Bible in a year read through thing chronologically since September and I finally started into the New Testament yesterday! Last Sunday (not yesterday)I called my pastor and left a message asking him to reserve a spot on the canoe trip so I'd could have time to pray about it and not worry about all the spots being taken. I asked him if he got it at youth on Saturday and he said that he did and that it was very cool that I was thinking like that. It made me happy but really I'm just going with whatever God puts in front of me...