creeper...

So today is a Sunday, and a typically Sunday would mean my mom would drop me off at my local church, then she would be her way with my brother and sister to the church where my dad pastors.

This Sunday is the Sunday before the Christmas of 07 and my mom asked me to go with them to their church. So I did. It was a good day we ate at some restaurant for lunch which is a really rare ocassion and there was a great Christmas presentation in the evening. (Their presentations is one of the things I really love about that church).

Then comes the end of the show and I go down to nursery where my brother and his ten year old friends play gameboy together. There was also this random guy in the room who couldn't speak English very well. He was the creeper. He came over to me and started talking to me about the bracelet I was wearing. He pointed to it and then started feeling my wrist and hand. He stopped and then asked me if I had a boyfriend. What a creep!

Honestly, I was scarced of him and what was on his mind for the rest of the night. What if he managed to get me in the nursery on my own and raped me! Well that probably wouldn't happen since there would be other people in nearby rooms that I could easily call for. I never want to see that guy again....

My friend Michelle met a creeper like that when we were in Africa. It was the guy who was selling us souvenir stuff and when she told me I joked about it. Now I can see that that's clearly not what I should have done. She at least has a boyfriend to tell off any creeper that comes her way...

I guess I'll just finish off by saying that if you're a girl (or a guy) and a random person comes up to you and feels ANY part of you, pull away and completely avoid them!!

muwahh...

I kinda don't feel like writing this just because I feel like the whole world reads these but really no one reads my blogs. If people did read my blogs I might not have one because I really just have this for myself to get out what I'm thinking or feeling. And today I'm feeling sad. On a usual day I'd expess myself but mostly just doing graffiti or some kind of art but I just can't do that today. Don't know why.

Anyways, here's what's bugging me. ... What I am really feeling is just like I'm everyone's friend but no one best friend and it's an awful feeling. If I've ever blogged something like this before then I don't want to sound like a broken record. And the truth is I haven't felt like this in a long time and a lot of things, one thing in specific changed something like a month ago that I never blogged about and I'm not going to blog about... at least not today. So really if you are some random person reading this then I'm sorry but you're clueless but don't feel two bad because there's only two people that wouldn't be. And wouldn't even know just by reading this.

This is a horrible blog because I don't feel like letting anything out... so yeah sorry to waste some of both of our lives. yeah..

woohoo something something

Today was a little bit out there a little different than usual but not much. And I'm definitely in a blogging mood. Haven't blogged in a while but that's cool cause no one's expecting anything. There's been a few times when I could've but decided against it for whatever the reason was.

So today, December 14 2007 (11 days til Christmas!), what has happened... Well it started out with some tiredness because waking is never fun, especially when you stayed up late the night before, which might happen again tonight. Art class, the last class of my day was the first kind-of-but-not-even-interesting thing that happened. Actually I'm not even gonna say it cause it's not worth saying and that's not the reason why I'm blogging... Sorry about that.

I've had this one song called Apologize in my head the past few days, I think it's either by Timbaland or One Republic. It's the only song I've heard by either of them so I don't know how good their stuff is to listen to but anyways that song is stuff in my head. It's a good tune as in it's pleasing to my hears to listen to. I don't completely agree with the chorus but it's good anyways.

Sometimes I really wish I knew how to write beautiful music because if I did I'd write a song that musically would be a mix of the songs Apologize, She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 (which for the record is a good song but I hate the video for it) and the song Bigger Than Us by Hannah Montana (aka Miley Cyrus). It sounds good in my head if you're not getting what I mean. The song would be all about Jesus, of how I want to live for him and how he's sooo beautiful and loving. Yeah, it would be a hit a least on the Christian radio stations. Rock on!

Topic #2 for today, possibly more interesting than the first is simply what I look for in a guy. So if you're a guy somewhere around my age and actually know who I am just by reading these blogs... that would never happen.

So what do I look for? Basically Jesus. So if you're tired of hearing about him through these blogs than just stop reading.

I am looking for a guy after God's very own heart. I want him to desire what God wants more than anything else, more than even me. That's the way it would have to be because do anything without him, without focusing on Jesus will never be where it needs to be.

That's what most important to me, other things are just details. As long, for example, he isn't way older or younger than me that's fine. Although, I would say that I'm just on the verge of being anywhere mature enough to date so guys younger than me would basically have to wait a while if they were serious (and that sounds like a joke to me). That probably wouldn't happen anyways and most guys my age are really immature.

So this blog was a bore maybe. Whatever. Thank you everyone and good night.

My Thoughts About Writing A Credo

For my world religions class I had to write a credo. Basically a short summary of what I belief. Easy enough, I wrote about how I believe in the Bible. But what would have happened if I refused to write a credo? What if I wrote that I believe that a person's beliefs will be shown by their actions and leave it at that. I wonder what kind of impression that would give. I wonder if my teacher would pay more attention to the things that I say and the things that I do to see if I'm really living out the life I claim to.... Anyways, just a random thought.

In my credo I included this poem called Teen Creed. It really shows what I believe. I didn't write it though, it's a really common poem.


Don't let your parents down,
They brought you up.
Be humble enough to obey,
You may give orders someday.
Choose your companions with care,
You become what they are.
Guard your thoughts,
What you think, you are.
Choose only a date
Who would make a good mate.
Be master of your habits,
Or they will master you.
Don't be a show off when you drive,
Drive with safety and arrive.
Don't let the crowd pressure you,
Stand for something or you'll fall for anything.

Thinking Space Cont'd....

So I'm just going to continue right from where I stopped yesterday. Yeah, I would read yesterday's blog before this, in other words. Supposedly, only half of us are still virgins. A good place to start to talk about this is the different possible scenarios, and like I said yesterday I'm going to be speaking mostly from the girl's perspective. Check it out, maybe you've heard it said before: Guys give love to get sex and girls give sex to get love. What that means is girls are looking to be loved and accepted. That's for every girl, we all want to be loved and that should be a given. But what would suck, and I wonder how many times this has happened, probably millions... It would suck to get caught in a situation where you're tempted to have sex outside of marriage and give in. Not only have you then given away your virginity,which is such an valuable thing, but after "doing it" you go to school the next day, expecting that what you the two of you did together would be kept secret. I'm gonna keep going with this , so follow and remember this is just a scenario. As the day goes on you hear rumors and then details and you know that it's not a secret anymore.

A bruised view of yourself is what's gonna come from something like that. You revealed yourself completely to somebody else. That's a really big deal! And not in a good way. At that point you've gotta trust that the other person won't talk badly about you afterwards. And what would keep them from doing that, especially if the relationship ends?

There's so much more that needs to be said than blog can give justice. Just to name a few teenage pregnancies, which can and almost definitely will bring about more problems. Then there's rapes. I won't even say anything here because I don't know enough about but I know that that's always hard.

IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE HERE, PLEASE READ THIS: For every girl that is out there hurting from so many things that might be happening, you need to know that you are God's special creation and he loves you! You're not a mistake and you're here for a purpose.

If you're a virgin keep it that way! Save it all for your future husband, because marriage is truly a beautiful. I am a virgin that's exactly what I'm doing. (And I'm looking forward to my wedding night!)

If you're not a virgin, the message is still the same. Choose to abstain now, have a second virginity. God's love is still just as real for you as ever. Nothing can ever change it because His love is true. There's always hope even when tough situations arise. This is the real deal. God is alive and He's here to help us all. If you're considering getting an abortion, please don't. If you can't work it out to take care of the child yourself, there's adoption and families who are longing to adopt.

So that's what I've gotta say. Take it or leave it. The message won't change. If you make it through any tough situation it's because of God's grace and nothing else! Comment if you'd like but I can't guarantee I'll have the right answer to any questions. abstinence

Thinking Space

Bloggers is a great place to go for thinking, to get away from stuff that's going on and just write. My essay's nearing end now, it will be finished tonight. It seems like I've just lost all my words as I come to write, as if this is something important and that it matters who reads this. As if I should have to think about what I'm writing. Journaling has also interested me, not as a profession but just as a hobby. Like a diary. I've tried to get into it. By keeping a notebook and writing in it. Then, I'll make some kind of mistake and it'll lose it's effect and then soon I'll lose interest. The problem with it for me is that I write in whatever it is at the end of the day. I record the things that happened during the day but don't express what I'm feeling. Maybe this'll be different... A place to vent my mind.

Hmm... not much else to say I guess. Unless something else comes to mind before I quit typing.
You want to talk about something? Let's talk about the high school and the kinds of things that go on there. I'm just writing from my own perspective though. There's no research behind any of this, except maybe if you consider my own self a primary resource... So what I'd really like to write is just the people, the teens, specifically the teen girls, since I'm a girl and obviously know them best. (But not just girls, and you're thinking long enough intro already) There's so many issues and stuff that teens go through. Lots for sure. You've got the people who like to call themselves emo who are usually somewhat depressed, possibly resolving to cutting and maybe even having suicidal thoughts. Then there are others who are wasting themselves on drugs because of possible situations that they can't control. For those people it probably doesn't seem like a lot of hope for their future, they might come from broken families. For them the chance of getting sound education won't seem like a reality. It's not just those people who have issues to deal with. I think it's probably everybody to a certain extent, if they're being real. Sometimes I really wish people would be more open to talk. What kind of wall are we covering ourselves with? Laughing? Makeup? Quietness? Popularity? I don't know... keeping yourselve busy with some kind of hobby? Supposedly, only half of us are still virgins... I'm deffinately going to continue this later but it is a downer that I have a lot of work to do on an essay that's due tomorrow. Maybe I'll finsh this tomorrow in a new blog if I'm not asleep...

So if you've managed to stubble upon this blog and happen to cut I've got a video that should bring you some hope. Or find it at http://youtube.com/watch?v=8n6x1AgvrfA.




That's it for now.

Here's what's on my mind...

I think that everybody will know what I'm talking about when I say that it's a very very rare thing to find a person who is gifted in both math/science type subjects and also English/history type subjects... and I won't even go as far to say that you have to be gifted in one to not like the other, it's just not common to be good at both. They're just two different personalities.

I'm definitely more of a math person for sure, I love it! But sometimes I wish I could just transfer some of my skill to writing essays. Man I hate those things (disgusted noise goes here). I've got five days left 'til a big one's due and I've hardly made progress since the beginning. That's frustrating.

Hmm... well homework's just piling on now and I don't really know what I'm doing. It feels kinda like I'm just going through the motions, dealing with one thing after another. Where's the time for God? Can I even associate myself with Christ if I'm not living the way I should, if I'm not doing the best that can for Him? I guess it's just a valley, well yeah.

I think that I'm changing as a person right now and I feel weighed down by different things, doesn't really matter whether they're big or small, it's all the same. And, I'm a little bit stressed. Life's so different without my older friends who are now at college and university. I cried a bit the the first week after they left because I missed them so much but I can't do that anymore. I love 'em all and would to keep our friendships going but if that doesn't work out so well life's gonna keep going anyways.

I don't even know what the point of this blog is... it's a good way to get stuff off my mind though. Yeah, that's all I wanted to say.

A Question of What Self-Worth Is

It feels like I've got a million friends that have never understood me. It's not a question of who I am anymore, but more why no one can see through me, why no one sees me the way I see myself... or rather the way God sees me. Well, I guess no one will ever see the way He does.

Here it is: Africa 2007, one thing I was really looking forward to, was getting close to some people on my team and really being good friends with them, while serving God and just hanging out, stuff like that. Well that never really happened for me. I mean, sure there's stories of some of the things we did together and all, but if there's nothing more than stories in our friendship than what's it worth, y'know. It seemed like the sarcastic comments never ended on the trip. None of them were supposed to mean anything, but I was hurt anyways, mostly by Morgan. I've got nothing against her and I'm not mad at her at all. Maybe it was wrong to expect great friendships to come of the missions trip. And just all the little things that happened that really shouldn't matter, like how everybody fell in love with Adam's funny personality and when he wasn't around said things like "I'm glad he's on our team, I wasn't expecting him to be such a great guy to have around", I just wonder if anybody thought anything like that about me when I wasn't around. I will never regret going to Africa, especially not because of that, but that expectation was deffinitely blown...

Away from Africa now, I just feel like my quietness has built a wall around me and I'm trapped, and seperated from everybody else. Maybe it's my unwillingness to share what I'm really feeling that's making me feel so lonely, maybe real friends would pop out of nowhere if I only made myself more "readable", but I honestly have no idea how to do that. I really just want even one real friend (aside from Jesus) who I can rely on, go over to their house to hang with and pray too, just to do whatever. A best friend, someone I can be myself around. The closest person to that I've had is Lisa. She'd always be willing to hang out, just us two, not needing anybody else to have fun and always willing to listen to what I had to say. I don't spend hours and hours and hours making graffiti things as wedding gifts for just anybody. She's really special to me and I'm going to keep our friendship as strong as possible even now that she's living in Saskatshewan, but let's just say hanging out really isn't a possiblility anymore.

Aside from all those exhausted words, I guess what I need to do is face my fear of rejection, and take a risk, try to be more of a friend to other people to get more friends . That probably makes me sound a whole lot less friendlier than I really am and it's deffinitely a lot easier said than done, as they say, that's for sure. And I really have no idea whether that's really what I need to do or not. I'm just praying that something changes along the way, maybe me, maybe the people around me. The words from Jarsofclay's song Good Monsters, are true though, "Nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes... by itself". This is no conclusion at all by the way, I have no idea what will happen next and it's deffinitely all in God's hands. I'm hoping that the way I'm seen is someone worth loving and someone worth getting to know and someone worth being friends with and being honest with and eveything like that too, because that's what I am.