Ahhh thoughts!!!

I have too many of them... Lots of praying. Lots of learning. I need to make a few calls to a few people.

There just so many people to be thinking about and I don't know how to grasp the different things that are all happening, which in one moment can feel like nothing if I should choose not to act on it. Different opportunities are coming up relationally. As in notices of the women's Bible study potentially starting next fall are coming out and I really want to get involved with that but I've had no success in contacting mama scooch who's starting that up.
I just got a friend's new phone number today that I've been trying get for a while because show up to church in a bigger while than that. I need to call her as soon as possible.
Then there's one of my sister's friends is being harassed by a girl a couple years older than her who's seriously dangerous. I've invited her to youth. I would like to see her come out soon. And see both her and her harasser come to know Jesus.
Then there's youth that was really strange tonight because there was so many of the younger one and hardly any older ones. It's like I really am leaving the high school scene or at least that general age group by the end of this year. But I'm going back for another semester and I'll still be in town for all of next year at least. So I've been thinking. Well at the last servant's board (the youth leadership) meeting my pastor Chad was talking to the gr12s graduating that if we could we would be welcome and he'd be more than glad if we'd still come out next year to be leaders for the gr8s coming up next year. And there's some pretty crazy gr8s and I know I won't be able to do it on my own strength. I think, in general, it would be a very cool opportunity but I'd die sooner than I'd be able to or want to do it on my own.
My friend I need to call would be a great role model for the them and would have a great influence if she would come out again. She would have a huge influence on the younger girls.
And maybe I'm hoping for too much in all of this but I think it be cool to get some kind of prayer thing with the C&C girls going on for the summer. I really really need something like that right now. That I can just trust and talk to and pray about stuff.

But more importantly than all of those things, I just want my focus to belong to Jesus and Jesus alone. I really want to grow in him so badly. Hmmmm. Just take His beautiful name in and love it. Love Him. Breathe Him in, let His Spirit being the driving force in what we do.

And my brother's birthday is tomorrow. We're going to see the movie Up tomorrow. I'm super excited for it! I really big fan of pixar fans. Ooops. You know what I mean, I'm tired. I might give a review of it. Goodnight my friends, I hope you're all doing well.

From my book

I wrote this on Thursday. A thought that caught me. I wanted to know what you guys think about it. I thought taking pictures would be faster than typing it up but I don't know if it was. Click to make them bigger if you can't read them. (And then zoom out because it'll be really big)Hope my writing isn't too bad.

And why not take a picture of myself at the same time?

I'VE GOT SOME SICK FOSSILS!!!

I had a great day today. This morning feels like yesterday, but nonetheless awesome. It started out good and pregressively got better. I went on an field trip with my Earth and Space class. Got some fossils in the morning. In all the years, my teacher's ever done this trip, I was the first one to ever find a graptolite fossil at the quarry we went to. I tried tading it with my teacher for a really awesome trilobite fossil he found but that didn't go so well.

I found a huge chunk of green feldspar. The pink stuff's really common but I think the green stuff's quite rare.

Then I went caving in the evening. The best part. By far. Me and two of my friends Logan and Mark went so far down in this one cave. It was awesome. Probably like 30m down. We didn't even have time to fully explore it. Logan called it the Narnia Abyss. We definitely saw Aslan. There was still some ice at some of the bottom of the caves. So much fun. If you ever have the chance to go caving take that opportunity my friends. Unless your claustrophobic. Or pregnant... (I'm assuming that that wouldn't be a good idea).

We got back to the school at 8:30 where gym night had already started. I got to see more people back from school. AHHH! Good day. One of those friends was in the same class a few years ago so she knew exciting and fun this was.

I got really dirty but it was so worth. I even I dirty boogers. I needa go take a shower and have a good night's sleep.

You guys...

I'm whining. I want you guys comment on my stuff, poops. Oh well.

The top three performed tonight. Kris. Adam. Gokey. Tomorrow should be a very interesting results night. All of them performed superbly. Adam consistently always has the best vocals but Kris is my favourite. I really liked his version of Heartless by Kanye West.

If you like him and yiou read this in enough vote for him because I can't.

Sucks.

I don't know where my life is going. I just don't know. I feel like all of my relationships suck. It's like all I know is theory and I don't know how to apply it. Sometimes I feel so socially retarted. I don't know where to start. .................................... Well I can tell you I hate the question "What are you doing next year?" Why does everyone assume you know where you're supposed to go? I'm not gifted in any one specific thing that could lead into a some kind of career for which to pursue education. I'm all over the map. The only thing I really care about is people and the church. That doesn't lead to anything could really do later on though because I'm a woman. I wouldn't mind one day being a leader for younger girls or something but I don't seem to naturally attract followers. Somehow I think that's important. But maybe that's just the way things are with my peers. That also won't lead to a job. Except for the fact that I kinda need one, I really couldn't care less. It's just an obstacle and I hate it. I don't care for climbing some stupid ladder.

I wish I could just find someone with a similar aim to do life with. I know I'm still so so young, but should ever come... I'd love to use the opportunity be a godly and supportive wife, good mom, and be involved with other excited involved people of the body of Christ. That would be fantastic.

I'm so confused with everything though. I know my focus really needs to be Jesus, it's just hard with no friend to encourage me on regularily and consistently. I know, I'm more sure than anything that Jesus needs to be my Focus, but again, it truly feels more like theory sometimes than real life because I don't know who I can turn to to simply be honest with at anytime.

Currently it also looks like I'm not going to be going to Thunder Bay this summer. I think I've gone over what the alternative is. I guess that's fine, whatever. It is well with my soul.

There are many people who don't play major roles in my life right now that now, that each important to everything I'm thinking about in general but there's just too many to mention. One, specifically, is Larissa. I haven't talked to her in quite a while and I don't know how she's doing. If there were two people I could have know Jesus right now she would be one. The other would be my writer's craft teacher, who is unsure about different "religious" type things. I wrote her a letter in a chain of events but she hasn't responded to it yet.

Watever. It's late and my music's playing quite loud. That's not good. I need to go to bed. I'm willing to hear any wisdom that's founded in God's Word. I just don't get why anything is the way it is. And why I feel so far off from people and whether or not that's my fault. There's always the push and pull of wanting and not wanting to be cut off.

College Kids, for a lack of a better title

Here's an update on how things are up in my northernly situated life. It's a follow up to what I wrote a few posts earlier which included the word protest in the title but was hardly about protests at all. (If you haven't read it).

This past weekend was one of the best I've had in a while. I can't recall what I did Friday evening but I can assure you it was nothing of interest. Really boring, for sure. Saturday, I did a 5k walk in Toronto in support of a group called Light Patrol with Youth unlimited. They're involved in doing stuff with the homeless. They're really cool. I don't know if it got mention but in October (considering the date probably not), I went down for the day and actually be involved in what they do. It's an awesome group. As a note to my Sami, that would not have happened if I hadn't read the IR.

The entire walk I got to talk with one of my friend's who just finished her second year of university. She's was a really good friend in gr 9 & 10 for me, and still is a good friend. That was really good. We talked mostly talked about the environment, evolution (which we both agree is crap for a lack of a better word), and science in general, because we are honestly very cool like that. I love her. And I like her a lot too. Both important.

And I got to see Morgan yesterday! Home from being way out in Alberta and Montana! I simply can't explain the feeling I felt seeing her walk in late to church, sitting in the front row, while I'm singing a song but wanting to jump on her and give her a massive hug. If you know the feeling than you know and that's all there is too it.

Every other Sunday evening my church does something called SNACS. We sing praise songs and pray at different people's houses. Yesterday we also did communion there. That was really cool.

I think that as long as I have friends in college I will mention their return home around this time of year. I love it.

So as far as what I wrote in the other posts goes, it's up and it's down. The way I feel depends on the day and the people I see and interact with. The general feeling towards the church is still there but I'm not acting on it. If you wanna be praying for me in that, you are awesome. Unless God has revealed my situation to somebody else, some other people, probably no one else is praying for me in that area. But hey, I'm a teenager. Am I not allowed to be somewhat depressed somewhat of the time?

One of the bigger struggles with that is how I lose motivation and find it difficult to open my Bible on the days I feel really low and out of it. Usually that leads to more days like that. Lately, I've been learning how God really wants my attention and for my focus to be on Him. I don't know if in my situation it was or wasn't but it might've been a pride thing in distracting myself from the Word. As if I have the strength to get better by leaving God out of the equation. Right now I'm just gonna go through Isaiah and see what's there for me to learn.

Another thing you could be praying for is for me to have discernment in whether I should be going to Thunder Bay for camp again this year. It was really awesome last year and I learned a lot. This year my dad's parent's 60th is on one of the lasts days and I can't make it home in time to do both. They're both important and I wish I could do both. I also wish my parents would just tell me what to do because that would be biblical at the same time as easier for me.

Anyways I don't think I have anything else interesting to say. I'm really exhausted. Oh, and since I'm giving ya stuff to pray for, um, I'm starting my geologic time unit in my Earth and Space course. I'm going to be taught the whole billions of years deal and evolution. It's already started today. So, I guess you could just being praying that God would use this opportunity to strengthen my faith. And whatever else you can think of. Thanks.