Inconvenient

May 10, 2015

My whole world has been changing so much lately. Much more quickly than I would prefer but still changing at the right and necessary pace given the circumstances of this transitional period. In the midst of the changes happening around me, I find that there are also inconveniences. Two in particular are my mind, though there may be several others.

The first of these is the inconvenience of learning more about myself. Lately, I have specifically been learning about my need for intimacy. This need was doubly confirmed, on top of the emotional highs and lows that I’ve had, when I was reading a chapter from the book Friend Raising. Apparently, it’s one of the greatest human needs. Mother Teresa is even reported to have said that loneliness was the greatest human problems. And she’s seen a lot.

It’s inconvenient to find that I need people in my life, especially close personal relations with others, when I find myself in a new town with no close friends yet. Then, there’s the tension of having to leave again soon. So whatever people I get to know in the time I have, I know that I won’t be able to remain in close connection forever, even if I do return with regularity.

The other inconvenience on my mind is that I’ve decided to quit drinking coffee, maybe forever. But at least for a month. I only drink it moderately, usually only a cup or two a day. Still, I’ve found that lately I’ve used it just to keep me going, and I’ve only felt more drained. It may just be one factor in a whole host of things that need correction in my life, but it’s at least one place I can start. So I’ve decided to let myself have a break and let my body reset itself.

I think that that decision will be worthwhile when my body starts to find and create its own natural energy more freely. Until then, this is an untimely inconvenience, but still necessary. These two things, learning the need for intimacy by name, and the work of resetting the body, I find extremely inconvenient at a time when I have other seemingly more important things to be doing but they’re right. It’s right, even if the timing’s inconvenient, to get things in order – if such a thing could ever be possible. And I’m really, really thankful that there’s grace in all of this. So much grace. I would break to pieces without God’s gentleness walking with me, but he is good. I’m very thankful, for grace and for the grace of inconveniences.