I'd like to share with you something I wrote on Saturday and is still very true right now. First a poem type thing and then stuff.
don't drag me into to your system
i am empty
i need directions but i missed 'em
please God, i need some wisdom
i like a boy but i may never kiss'im
again, i reject this system
i am empty so i am dry
like a cupbut
the drink's effects
not evident
i am thirsty
i am lonely so i am empty
i have no Body
let the world move on without me
I don't know how to write what I'm going through. I'm incredibly lonely and disappointed. I'm continually discouraged when I look at the church and how it's done. My desire to pull away and just quit gets greater all the time. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is that I would be the biggest loser in the world to do that, because I know that what is taught is real. Jesus is real, but if His church is supposed to be any kind of community, it fails horribly [from my perspective] Nothing is set in place to develope and encourage that, and I am continually left on my own.
The boy I like, mentioned in the poem above is J_____. One of the main reasons is because he wants to do church planting. He's really just a maybe but I'd like to chat with him about that sometime. Not to mention, he's friendly and well-built. But whatever, the latter of that is really besides the point. "May never kiss 'im" has to do with the fact that he may not be the one, if any, I marry, since I vowed a long time ago not to kiss until I get married.
... how does that sound? Am I doing ok? I still hope things will change and get better, and in that, if you looked deep enough there is a slight excitement. The above is presently way more prominent.
On a completely different note, I took part in a protest today at my school. Pretty fun. Basically, this grade 9 Asian kid had been bullied for just about the full year. Then the one time he told the bully to say whatever he was going to say to face. He did (which was very rude, but I don't know exactly what it was) and he also punched the Asian guy a couuple times in the face. He punched him back and broke his nose and the bully had to go to the hospital. His hands were supposedly considered weapons because he's had some karate training something like that but he was acting in defence.
If you could follow all that, the result was that the victim would be expelled... because that's what you're supposed to do with kids who send other kids to the hospital. We were protesting for Jack (the victim) to not get expelled when if anyone were to get expelled it should be the bully for provoking it.
Today we stood for anti-racism and anti- bullying. The theme, chant, slogan or what you will was Black for Jack. Almost everyone wore black. I rushed in the morning and didn't get a chance to grab something black, so I borrowed my friend's somewhat gothic black jacket. I was so cool. That's a promise.
I skipped first period. We got a lot of media attention. The local paper. Also, the Toronto Star, A channel news, and I think maybe CTV. Some people stayed out all day but they were the ones who just wanted to skip because our purpose was accomplished after the first period. They ruined it a little bit, and I think they also may have gotten the guy who planned it a suspension. That's about the most exciting thing that I know of that's ever happened in my little town.
If you want to read more follow this link.
ummmm the upper half is more important than the second, although stuff. Hope you're all doing well. I'm reading all of your posts though I may be slow to comment sometimes. I've been less of a total Internet addict lately.
