Ok, so I miss hearing real comments from you guys but whatever...
*sigh* My birthday's coming up and I have nothing special in mind. I wish I did. It feels like it's just going to be another day. I'm sure when the time comes I'll be excited and expect everyone to remember it, but really it's an exam day. That really sucks. So I'm hoping I won't have one that day and have it off. I don't know, usually around this time I'm more excited. There's nothing I'm even asking for like I usually do want something. I told my mom today that I just want some peanut butter, it's good stuff.
What's even happened in a year? I went to Africa with mixed memories of it. I have had really great moments with my friend Morgan and then letting go of her to become just another friend even though I still pray for her daily has been hard. It has however made me thankful for every moment I've spent with her since. I've had good days and bad days and probably grown some in my relationship with Jesus this year too. Actually I have for sure. In a very small nutshell that's what's happened since my last birthday.
Where am I going? I have no idea what I want to do after high school. Most likely I'll a take a year off to chill, think, and work. The truth is I guessed at what courses I want to take for next year and I could probably replace most of them with other courses I might find interesting. I'm just riding through aimlessly.
God things excite me. Thinking about how I might be going on this canoe trip is weird. My grade will be the oldest there for the first time. That's really different. It means that Morgan won't be there, or any of my friends who have just been off at university for their first year. I'm going into grade 12 and that's where the line was drawn because too many C&C people who are several years too old just keep hanging around and they needed to be distinguished as their own group by having a separate canoe trip.
On the other hand, and it's weird both ways for me, is that kids who are in grade 8 right now will be coming on the trip because they're going into high school. So they seem really young to me, a whole three years! No but you guys, everyone who reads this is older than me. Thanks for taking the time for me even though I'm a youngling and all. I was thinking about this today and the thought of being a leader in the youth, meaning almost definitely for these future niners, excited me. Hopefully they'll think of me as cool and I'll have the chance to be a good role model too.
I'd like to see things happen with my small group, for it to thrive again and for people to be excited about it. I'd like to see more of an outreach happening in my school through the youth. Something for the people who are broken who need Jesus, so they can have a place to go or for anyone who's interested in even knowing more. I'd like to see more people using their God-given gifts to serve him. For the church to be a better community, to be there for one another. For us to be accountable with one another so we can know where everyone's at. For the small groups to be more connected instead of them each doing their own things, so we can at least be praying for one another.
Can God do all those things through me? In one year? Or at least have a start on those things? Are there other people who want the same thing as me? Will they support me? Could this be more of a long term thing? Is ministry the call on my life? What about the other passions God's given me? Things for art, and thinking like math, how can they be used? Am I disillusioned? Or am I on track?
Please keep praying for whether or not the canoe trip thing should happen for me. I think that the leadership for the next year will be firmly established through...
Whoa, I think I may possibly have just got something from God this very moment. I don't know where it is in the Bible but I just thought of the story where Jesus is like telling some guy to follow him and he's just like let me wait 'til my father's funeral. Which really meant let me wait until my dad dies so I can bury him and then I'll do whatever you tell me. But Jesus is all about it and wants him to follow him then and there, devoted. So now, for me it's like I might be giving up the chance to have a big influence this next year through leadership by skipping out on a canoe trip for relatives that I've only met a couple times.
Granted, it may be the last time I ever see them again, at least until Heaven, and they are traveling a great distance from Zimbabwe. But now I'm almost seeing it like in chess, giving up your queen for a mere pawn. Maybe that pawn has something on me, but it would never be worth giving up the most powerful piece in the game: the queen.
So yes, keep praying, what I just mentioned is another great reason in support of me going, but there's no such thing as to much prayer. And I'd love to be certain of my choice when I make it. So if God gives you a word, make sure you drop it by and let me know.
So this blog that was originally going to be a moan about how I have no idea what my birthday will be, has now been turned into a prayer request about something that's very close to my heart. God has a funny way of doing things.
Love you all,
Steph
No comments:
Post a Comment