Haww... today's been sucha weird day. Like an hour ago I was like "Man, I'm not even gonna go on cause I'm so tired". I still am tired, it's 12:28am right now and it will be later when I actually publish this and get to bed... but you know me - I wouldn't miss a day.
That's not why I came on though, I don't care about missing a day. I just love blogging.
So quick summary of my day. Most of the day I've been working pretty hard on an ISU for English that I honestly haven't done much work on until today. I got distracted later on but that's not the point.
I have this friend of mine named Alex who's in my English class. She went to Africa too, but she was on the rural team, not the urban team like me. We were prayer partners through it all. I called her today to ask her how to spell my English teacher's last name for the essay. She doesn't come out to youth very often anymore, hardly ever. I invited her to our small group like a month back, which she went to last year and the reason she gave me for not coming out to youth anymore was because she kinda felt like everybody already has their own group of friends and so on. It breaks my heart a little. It doesn't make sense to me though because everyone loves her and if she had been coming out I think she could have had a really good influence on two girls in particular who were on her Africa team. I don't even know where they're at now... I asked her how she was doing and she let me pray with her just over the phone. She was slightly hesitant, like ughh... ok. I really need to be praying for her again more often.
So now I'll tell you about the latter part of my day. A short period of time ago, possibly 2ish hours ago I read Casey's most recent blog, titled Blessed. I haven't commented on it yet, but I'll get to it. She made indirect reference to the 5 languages of love, good books I've heard but I've never actually read them myself. I went upstairs to ask my dad about it because I thought he had it. Apparently he does have it but he was working and didn't have time to look for it.
I went down stairs to see what my mom was doing. Talking on the phone, typical. She was talking with my Gramma for soo long while watching the news. I waited the whole time for her to talk to me but by the time she got off it, it was too late to talk. (sigh) It upsets me the way she spent so long talking with her mom but hardly said anything to me. I'm not that interested in the news... if I wait that long I probably want something. Some attention might be nice.
What I don't want to write is that after she went to bed and I went down to the basement where my room is, I cried. I cry sometimes. It's a very rare thing for me to cry in front of people but if I wanted to I could cry every night and no one but God would know, unless I cried loudly, which I wouldn't. And I don't cry every night, it's even pretty rare a thing for me to cry just in my room by myself. So I let God in on how I was feeling while looking unsuccessfully for the book. It was the easiest way to express myself.
Let's see what was I even crying anyways... Something about just wishing I had someone to talk to. I praying and saying things like I'll call out to Saskatchewan if it means having someone to talk to (I was thinking of my Lisa who's out there and I've been keeping in touch with but I don't have her current phone number). I just want someone to dig into me, to really know me. And then I was thinking of all the things I'd like to one day see with the youth group while glancing over all of my dad's books on the shelves of the office. I cried some more about how all of my passions don't even matter to me when I don't feel loved. I'd say that for me, I mean I guess if I were to read the book I would have a better idea, but I think for me the two love languages that are most prominent for me are gifts, and quality time. But mostly gifts.
I ended up getting distracted because I found some random Manga Messiah cartooned version of the Bible and started reading it. Can you say ADD? I don't even know where it came from but it was a great way for me to get my mind off the topic! And now I'm here, tired, telling you people.
Steph <3
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